At usage (game machine) front, please read this manual carefully and reserve this book then to make to guide it’s use.
Relevant crazy warning
Warning!
When takea [sic] look at in the usualenvironment [sic] inside usually a certain flashlight thatappear [sic] or a certainpattern [sic], minimum amount the part of people will or crazy disease go into actionis [sic] take placed to temporary lose the consciousness. This part of people at takea [sic] look at a certain TV game hour may cause the crazy to go into action. The person of the operation game is sometimes although can’t superficially take place above crazy go into action, may still be placed in and did not realize the crazy appearance.
If youor [sic] the member of your family appeared with the crazy and relevant condition of illness ( for [sic] example go into action or lose the consciousness), then at any TV game of operation before, should in advance consult to doctor.” [sic] [sic] [sic]
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Do not be seduced by the promise of “APPEARANCE OF HIGH ACCURACY COLOR” this system will make you lose the consciousness and your crazy will go into action!
Opps! This is a day late. The winner of the Name the mascot contest has been selected. Neil “the satanic mechanic” G submitted a couple of amusing and politically incorrect names along with altered pictures of the mascot. I thought that Ozzy was particularly funny and has a nice ring to it. Congratulations Neil!
Haven’t posted a picture of the current collection or any new units in a while so I thought I’d make a video of the collection. Bellow is a quick overview of the entire collection as well as a photo of the entire collection. I was encouraged by getting a subscriber on YouTube and decided I owed him at least one more video. If you enjoy the videos or prefer the writing let me know and I’ll try to include whatever you my most disloyal readers prefer.
There is a class of electronic devices that are in general an abomination to all but the most foolhardy gadgeteers. They are widely known as Portable Media Players or PMPs. In general they can play video and audio along with providing an e-book reader and a photo viewer. Some have additional functionality and include a camera or GPS. They are like a decent higher end cell phone or Blackberry without the core connectivity functionality that makes them worthwhile. The advantages of PMPs are almost none since they are frequently overpriced and in general have similar functionality of a decent cell phone, PDA, or PSP. A scant few offer some type of gaming functionality going so far as to mimic the design and even names of better known gaming devices. Such is the rather unclearly branded “MP4 Digital Player” according to the unit itself, “Games DV MP4 MP3 Player MP4” according to the box and, “Play Station Portable” according to the manual.
The Play Station Portable does it all: it is a video and audio player, a digital video and still camera, an e-book reader, a calendar, and worst of all a gaming machine. Words cannot fully describe just how bad the Play Station Portable is however, since it takes video and still pictures I can let it speak for its self just a bit. You might notice the extremely low quality of the pictures and video on this post; they are courtesy of the Play Station Portable. Strike one!
Much like the Sony Playstation (one word) Portable the MP4 Play Station Portable has a set of 4 buttons on the right hand side labeled triangle, square, circle, and X, however these buttons look like a traditional plus pad that should be on the left side of a typical gaming device. On the left hand side are buttons that indicate that they are up, down, right, and left. Regardless of how good the buttons are or what additional interface elements are on the unit the designers have already failed. Control pad goes on the left, buttons on the right. For fucking out loud it is not that difficult. There are many other interface options on the unit, power, esc, play, and reset buttons as well as a hold switch, AV in and out, and both a USB jack and SD card slot. For all the options it manages to fail spectacularly for all its half hearted attempts at awesomeness.
Since this site is not primarily concerned about how well portable gaming devices do things that are not games I’ll let you judge the non gaming abilities of the device based upon the quality of the pictures and videos included in this post. If you are not concerned already here is a hint: the games are a concern. Play Station Portable comes boxed with a CD-R that is labeled “SOKING” and has a picture of a caveman with a slingshot chasing a happy crab on it. I believe that SOKING is the brand of the CD-R and probably has nothing to do with the Play Station Portable Games DV MP4 MP3 Player MP4 brand. The CD-R is packed with video codecs, drivers, and most interestingly over 1000 NES roms. The CD-R if not the unit itself is most likely a ticking lawsuit waiting to explode. The Play Station Portable has a decent 1GB of memory which can fit a considerable number of NES roms which theoretically give the unit a decent library of games on hand at any moment. This is not actually the case. A fair number of the included roms will actually not load on the unit and the remainder have problems of several varieties. Super Mario Brothers manages to highlight several of the most crippling problems that the system has actually emulating games. Firstly the games do not play full screen but rather are windowed with a menu on the right hand side labeled “Ihtcom Nesgam” with the options to adjust speed, “ad” and to exit or return to the game. When starting a game the player will notice that the top section of screen, the HUD, that displays your score, level, coins, and time scrolls along with everything else on the screen. Fortunately it repeatedly scrolls across the screen so even when it disappears you only need to play for another few seconds before the HUD will show up again. Additionally when going thru pipes or bashing an item block there are layering problems so that Mario will display in front of the pipe he should be disappearing behind. These rather annoying problems pale in comparison to the biggest problem which is that on any speed the games have terrible framerate and performance issues. Strangely, while on normal or fast speed the games seem to go slower and drop more frames then on slow mode. Mario while normally enjoyable becomes a choppy slow paced exercise in ennui. Though unable to actually get video of the gameplay with the unit, I was able to use the Play Station Portable to make a video that shows just how exciting playing Super Mario is on the Play Station Portable with the unit.
A short list of things in my house that have enough processing power to provide better emulation of the NES then this unit include the actual Playstation Portable, any phone or camera including ones that take actual film, the Quasar 4 head VHS video cassette player, the combined talents of the microwave and electric toaster, my alarm clock, and the house plants.
The manual which may be the best put together part of the unit offers the following precaution, “a. Do not use the device in extremely thermal, cold, dusty and watery circumstances.” Perhaps a better precaution would have simply been “a. Do not use.”
Scores:
Screen: 6-10 Screen is plenty bright and resolution is fine but when in game mode only a part of the screen is used.
Sound: 6/10 Has two speakers but no physical volume adjustment.
Controls: 6/10 Plus pad is on the wrong side of the unit but fortunately is actually buttons, buttons are where the plus pad should be and function well enough as a plus pad. Points deducted for stupid design.
Availability: 1/10 I have no idea if this particular unit is available but it should be avoided in any case.
Price: 1/10 I paid way too much for the unit, it would be too expensive at any price. It only gets avoids getting a 0 in case a worse unit comes along.
Library: 2-8/10 Since the unit has a built in NES emulator it theoretically has a fantastic library however it chokes when asked to play some ROMs included on the CD and plays no games at full speed. The library would be fantastic if the unit could actually play them correctly.
Overall: 3/10 Decent controls and screen cannot save the unit from the shitstorm that is the functionality of this all in one device. It can play video or display photos fairly well however as a camera, video camera, or gaming device the MP4 Digital Player totally and utterly fails. I have pooped better gaming devices then this Play Station Portable.
Summer is coming and it’s time for another contest. This time it’s a name that mascot contest. You might recognize the I am Handheld mascot from the I am Handheld branding contest. The problem is the mascot has no name which means I cannot sell t-shirts with the caption “*Mascot Name* says 'N-Gage Blows'”. The rules are simple, come up with a name for the mascot pictured bellow and one creative winner will win a like new in the box Intellivision 10 Video Game System. E-mail your submissions to sean_fear@hotmail.com by Saturday June 21st and I’ll announce one clever winner on Saturday June 28th.
The internet says of the unit…
“Now you can play your favorite Intellivision games without a console or computer! Just plug Intellivision 10 into your TV set and away you go!
(The) unit is a complete video game system - with games - built into a hand controller. An 8 foot cable from the controller plugs into the video and audio jacks found on the front of most modern TV sets. A menu displayed on your TV screen lets you choose from any of the games in the unit.”
The Kensington One Station AKA FC 3000 Digital Crystal Panel otherwise known as the One Station Elite (pictured on left) is one of the most recent Famiclones that uses it’s own proprietary cartridges. A Famiclone is a system that plays original 8 bit NES or Famicom games. The One Station Elite is very similar to the Original One Station, which has been featured here previously, in functionality but with a few small differences that stretch the definition of the word elite. I’ve lauded the original One Station several times for the quality of its screen and its good feeling controls. It is by no means the best system on the market but is generally done right with a few quirks. The Elite takes a step backwards in almost all ways.
First of all the system’s design is less cool looking than the original. The One Station is a bit similar to the Gameboy Micro in design. It is slightly flared on the ends and has a cool looking face design that is reminiscent of the removable faceplates that are available for the Gameboy Micro. Besides the fact that the original One Station’s cart protrude out of the system, the system looks like a well designed hip little system. The Elite on the other hand is a bit like a compacted Xbox controller. It is bland and ugly with rather tacky Kensington and FC 3000 logos. The FC 3000 logo in particular looks like something that might be included in a commercial for an after-school cartoon lineup commercial. This is no big deal as the functionality is much more important than the form. None the less, it is the first of many strikes against the system.
The screen is identical in size but a little bit brighter than the original. The original One Station’s colors seem much richer than the Elite but this might have to do with the brightness. The Elite also appears to be much more pixilated than the original. When compared to vintage systems the Elite screen is quite decent however when compared to the very similar original One Station the system falls flat. When compared to contemporary systems such as the NDS or PSP the screen leaves a lot to be desired. It’s not terrible; it’s just not as good as the original which makes the Elite’s name a bit of a misnomer.
Next the controls. They suck. The + pad feels stiff and pressing down is very iffy. Already difficult games like Contra become a struggle when trying to duck in time to dodge bullets. Games as hard as Contra do not need to be any harder. Fortunately the version of Contra included on one of the carts has a menu option to start the game with the Konami code in effect. Unfortunately you’ll waste half of your extra lives to the shoddy down button. Beyond that the buttons which are slanted at an odd angle are labeled Square, Circle, Triangle Triangle up and to the Left, and Triangle Triangle up and to the Left a second time. That’s right: there are 2 buttons labeled with a pair of triangles pointing up and to the left. I have no idea what is up with this iconogram. It looks like the icon for fast forward but at the completely wrong angle. On an audio device it would mean rewind pitched up at ¼ speed? Also why are there two of them? Maybe the designers ran out of ideas. Here is an idea jackass, how about X and triangle buttons. You are already ripping off other systems, just go the extra few inches and label your buttons in a way that makes sense! The buttons feel much better then the + pad and the silly labeling is totally forgivable but in light of other issues it is a sign of a lack of care designing the system. If the controls were better the other negatives would be much easier to overlook.
The only thing that might be elite about the Elite and presumably the source of its eliteness is the fact that it has a slightly different library. While the majority of the games found on the Elite can also be found on the original One Station there are a few “gems” that are not available on the original, like “Pocket Amethyst” and “Sonic”. These games are quite likely other games that have been reskinned or modded. I have no idea what the games were before they were reskinned but “Pocket Amethyst” is a Pokemon themed side scroller featuring Pikachu and “Sonic” is a disappointing Sonic the Hedgehog clone that lacks the speed or game-play needed for a Sonic game. I could tear on these games for being the crapfests that they are however they are far too fascinating. “Pocket Amethyst” has enemies that don’t look like any Pokemon I have ever seen. The only attack appears to be an electric attack that hits all the enemies on screen. Hold down the jump button and Pikachu jumps repeatedly. The level design is of the run to the right variety. The game is down right difficult but this is mainly due to the sketchy controls. Never the less it is interesting to see what someone did with little care for the license but knowing it was a quick way to some cash. At least I assume that the motivation was money. It could very well have been a fan mod that the cart manufacturers managed to find online. It’s possible that it is an homage to “Pokemon Amethyst” which is a fan made Pokemon game. The games are more like riddles then games.
Elite game carts are a bit easier to find then the original which is one of the few advantages of the system. All my complaints aside, as a curiosity it is a worthwhile system with a price tag that is low enough to pick up on a whim. However, if you can find the games you want for the similarly priced and featured original, it is far superior.
Scores:
Screen: 7/10 Screen is plenty bright and the same size as the Regular One Station but looks to be a lower resolution.
Sound: 8/10 Has one speaker that does the job.
Controls: 6/10 Plus pad does not register down very well and the 4 buttons are angled at a funny angle. The controller does not feel good.
Availability: 8/10 Easy to find new online thru Deal Extreme.
Price: 10/10 .Can be found starting at $28.50 and a 99 in one cart can be bought as low as $3.92.
Library: 7/10 Lacks many of the big hitters of the NES library but has some excellent games such as Ninja Gaiden 2, Tiny Toons, Super Contra, Arkanoid, Excite Bike, Mappy, Super Mario, Dig Dug, and Donkey Kong. Plus tons of games that are absolute crap will be included on any cart you choose to buy.
Overall: 7/10 The shoddy controls and just slightly sub par screen make for a second rate system. When compared to the original One Station the One Station Elite falls short. The only advantages are that the carts fit fully inside the unit and that the carts for the Elite generally feature a larger number of games. In general the One Station carts have six or seven good games and 28 games that you will never play. The One Station Elite carts, on the other hand, in general have six or seven good games and 88 games you will never play.
The people of SNK (now known as SNK Playmore) have made some truly amazing games and systems. They are best known for their Neo-Geo arcade and arcade perfect home systems. Not very many people had the Neo-Geo home system since it was far more expensive then other contemporary systems with the console at $599 and games retailing at $200. You might be surprised to learn that it wasn’t the price of the units that drove the company to bankruptcy but the slow decline of arcade culture. The much less well known Neo-Geo Pocket Color was released in 1999 when SNK was at the edge of bankruptcy. The much lower priced system at $69.95 sold surprisingly poorly, perhaps due to the fact that the system lacked the graphical panache that SNK was otherwise known for.
Neo-Geo Pocket Color may not be the most graphically powerful system or have the largest library of games, but the small library of games that is does have is one of the most excellent of any system. The best games available are not all that diverse. Outside of the isolated puzzler, such as Puzzle Bobble, the system has several very good side scrollers such as Metal Slug 2nd Mission and Sonic the Hedgehog Pocket Adventure and a fantastic selection of adaptations of classic SNK fighters including Gals' Fighters, SNK vs. Capcom: The Match of the Millennium, Samurai Shodown! 2, and King of Fighters R2.
The fighting games on the system are second to none ranking up there with the best that portable gaming has to offer such as the PSP’s Tekken: Dark Resurrection or Bleach DS on the NDS. No other portable system even comes close to having as excellent a selection of fighting games. The games are all of the “super deformed” variety with the characters having giant heads, fists, and feet on relatively small bodies. This art style helps keep the character’s personalities on the much smaller Neo-Geo Pocket Color screen. This is particularly important on the system since it is not a graphical powerhouse with a resolution of 160x152, a maximum of 146 colors on screen, and a paltry 4 colors per sprite. Add to the rather unimpressive graphical abilities, the fact that the system only has two buttons, and a joy stick for control, and the outlook looks grim. Amazingly the games play fantastically. As mentioned before all the games I’ve played on the system are perfectly suited for the system with allowances made for gameplay or graphics.
The absolute best is SNK vs. Capcom: The Match of the Millennium which puts classic SNK fighters against a partial roster of the best known Capcom brawlers. The game has a pretty strong Capcom feel with 3 levels of attack for the punch and kick attacks depending on how long the attack buttons are held down. Additionally nearly all the Capcom fighters’ moves are intact. This is amazing with only 2 attack buttons. I can’t quite put into words just how nicely the game plays. The animation is very smooth. The game can be played somewhat successfully with a bit of button mashing but you’ll find that it is much more satisfying and has greater depth once you learn a character’s move set. Better yet if you can actually find another person with a copy of the game and a link-cable you can go head to head. With the price of the system it is almost worthwhile to buy two.Being much more familiar with the Capcom fighting games, the only find fault I can find in the game is the exclusion of Blanka and Dhalsim.
Neo-Geo Pocket Color ultimately lost support from SNK in the US and European markets after SNK was bought by Aruze Corp, a Japanese manufacturer of Pachinko machines, in 2000. This probably saved it from beingdestroyed by the technically superior Gameboy Advance which was released in 2001. Whatever the case we undoubtedly missed out on some most excellent games that would have been released for the NeoGeo Pocket Color. Imagining the excellent ports of Ikari Warriors, Satan of Saturn, P.O.W., and King of the Monsters that might have been brings a tear to my eye.
Neo-Geo Pocket Color is truly the handheld of the millennium (last millennium), and it was released with only one year to grow into its place of honor. Just enough time to fail to live up to its promise. It is a handheld that is great despite its small library of games, questionable quality, and premature withdrawal of support. With the system still available at a relatively low price it is worth picking up even today.
Scores:
Screen: 7/10 No lighting but is still easy enough to see in moderate light. Resolution is decent but nothing to write home about.
Sound: 8/10 Has one speaker that sounds alright. System is not an audio powerhouse.
Controls: 9/10 System has one of the best feeling eight direction control sticks on a portable and A and B buttons all of which click satisfyingly when pressed. Unfortunately all of them feel a bit fragile and the Power and Option buttons are a bit mushy. All in all most excellent.
Availability: 8/10 Easy to find online new or used.
Price: 9/10 .Can be found starting at $39.99 or bundled with 19 games for $80.99
Library: 7/10 Tiny library but packed with many excellent SNK and Neo-Geo games.
Overall: 8/10 Even though the system is a bit underpowered and graphically unimpressive the games available for it are fantastic. If the system had a larger library it would be a no brainer. As is this is highly recommended for fans of classic fighting and side scrolling shooter genres.
From the Manual of the Game Theory Admiral,
