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AGP2 DO NOT WANT!

Apologies in advance for some salty language but I cannot fully express myself about the AGP2 without the use of some four lettered words and several internet memes.

As I was looking at the metrics report for this page I saw that somebody was searching for AGP2 and found I am Handheld. I instantly felt guilty for not having any info for the poor soul. What if they actually bought the machine expecting a fulfilling gaming experience? This would be akin to eating a pound of cheese and expecting a fulfilling bowel movement. Something had to be done! If you are looking for info on Advance Game Player 2 because you are considering buying one, you do not want one. Please inform the elderly that AGP2 sucks balls because some dip-shit codger is going to buy this piece of
crap for their grandchild and it is a sad day when children think their grandparents are dickholes.

So what exactly is AGP2?

Well here is the totally accurate description that is provided by the product page on Amazon:

Product Features

· Features:

- 8 games with over 2,000 variations

- Auto Power off after 4 minutes of inactivity

- Sound on/off, pause function, LED on/off, backlit LCD


- Compact design, perfect for travel or to stow in a book bag

Here is some additional info as due diligence for writing a review of the AGP2:

AGP2 comes with 8 games spread across 4 carts. There could be even more games but I seriously doubt it since the back of the AGP2 has 4 slots on the back; three named storage and one labeled active. This is both convenient and totally stupid since all the games could easily fit on one cart or, even better yet, have been internal to the unit since nobody is ever going to try to find m
ore games for it. The games include A TankGame, B StarBattle, C CarRacing II, D PinBall, E SnakeGame, F FillBrick, G CarRaceing III, and H HitBrick. I have no idea why there is no CarRacing I. Perhaps CarRacing I was deemed too low quality to be included?

I did manage to find a video of the AGP2 in action.



Ok, so I lied. The above video should however be included with the AGP2 on a DVD lab
eled “Video Manuel”. Other memes that could be used to best explain the level of suck of the AGP2 are Dancing Hamsters, Bananaphone, Dramatic Groundhog, Charlie Bit Me, and Nigerian Bankers.

If the above does not convince you not to buy the AGP2 I have made the following illustration of gameplay.

Convinced yet? No? I give up!!! Go ahead and buy one, moron!!!

AGP2 can be purchased from Amazon here: BUY AGP2 on Amazon.com

17 comments:

  1. oh my god, THAT WAS ME! i did a search for AGP2 a few days ago. AND I JUST BOUGHT ONE ON EBAY! aaagh.. well, it was only $5. i havent paid yet because paypal wouldent work. sigh, even paypal dosent want me to buy this.

    i first saw it on the "Pictures of all the systems" page when i did a google search for "game.com". it was then i decided to have an even bigger handheld collection to rival yours, hahahaha. i allready have gbasp, gbm, nds, onestation, md max, a pocket PC, a PMP, several famicom players and several plugnplay TV controllers. i just bought a pokemonmini, gameking, playpal, Mega Drive Portable, pocket dream console, and VG pocket max.

    some handhelds i wont buy, instead opting for a emulator on gp2x; gameboy, lynx, gamegear, neogeo, wonderswan, Watara SuperVision can be emulated.

    i also collect "keychain games" mostly craptastic tetris block games, casino lcd, game&watch keychains. i suppose they could be considered handhelds.

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh yeah, what was so bad about that music video? i thought it was pretty cool.

    never gonna give you up...
    never gonna say goodbye... to nigerian bank-ers..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Steve, $5 is the perfect price to pay for AGP2 if you are a collector. The system is actually in the so bad it's good catergory. Initially I was only counting portables that took some sort of carts or disks but then I ended up with a few systems that have the games built in. My rule now is that it has to be reasonably portable and have a built in screen. I would totally count keychain games. It sounds like a neet collection. You should send a picture of your collection and I'll post it with Mid Week on the Blog.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've got the original AGP... Curiously enough, it came with the exact same collection of games, only it is white and designed to vaguely resemble a DS Lite... I paid $7 shipped for mine. It's kind of sad to think that these things actually end up in the hands of less fortunate children around the world. I'd rather have a Game & Watch, myself...

    ReplyDelete
  5. For sure Jimi. AGP really are only interesting as oddities unlike some Game and Watch games which can be fun. I had A Burgertime Game and Watch type LCD game when I was little and loved it. The jerk move is that the AGP and AGP2 look a bit like the DS and PSP, presumably to trick consumers. Meh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. i just got another one that makes the agp2 look like a marvel of modern engineering.

    look:

    http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=370042414563&ssPageName=STRK:MEWN:IT&ih=024

    ReplyDelete
  7. the so called "cartridges" aren't actually cartridges. all the games are contained in the handheld itself, the "cartridges" are just dip switches, they just tell the system what games to load.

    they tricked people into thinking the thing uses cartridges so handheld collectors would buy them. i guess it worked.

    ReplyDelete
  8. that link was bad

    http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=370042414563&ssPageNa

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am not convinced that anything could make the AGP2 look like a feat of modern engineering. Maybe the technology used in the following clip... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG-O-FyQMrg

    ReplyDelete
  10. I got the AGP2 a couple of years back as a freebie with another purchase....don't remember what anymore and at that price it was still not worth it.

    I have kept the thing as a keep sake but gave up on playing it fairly soon

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just brought two (yes two, how lucky am I!) for 20p ($0.30) each ... I'm missing the same cart (C/D)from each one though, am I missing out? ;-)

    Definitely one for my collection of carp games ...

    ReplyDelete
  12. I made a review of the AGP2, and now we can finally show the world how much balls this thing sucks! Here are the links:

    Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhZIzhhlFTE

    Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLWgGQmU3sU&feature=channel

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just picked up one of these beauties for 8-cents, used but complete! Can hardly wait to play after having seen all the awesome reviews!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I thought the games were fun.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I picked up the AGP 1 @ a Goodwill store for $1.61 (tax included). I thought it was some kind of a data manager, like an address book. I am thinking of hacking it to see if I can use the LCD screen for other purposes, but I have looked at some of the games & realize that I AM NOT INTERESTED IN IT for games.

    I also pick up some the games that speak English just for the speech circuits to use in other projects.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Im bout do by da agp x 1 sys tmrrw 4 US $.90
    My life has never been better can't wait. Cant sleep it's 5:12 am and im looking at this things review

    ReplyDelete