Wonder SwanCrystal MADE IN JAPAN

For American readers the Wonder SwanCrystal may be one of the least familiar of consoles. It is the 3rd handheld released by Bandai, the first and second being the WonderSwan and the WonderSwan Color. The WSC is a slight improvement of its predecessors with a higher quality, though not backlit, color screen and a slightly more curvy design. WSC is about the same size and shape of the original GBA though at about half the processing power and cost. The combination of price point and library of games was perhaps the reason that WonderSwan was able to capture 8% of the handheld market in Japan. The library was largely made up of some very excellent Squaresoft RPGs. The system began to flourish before Nintendo finally made amends with Squaresoft allowing the WSC to finally be crushed by the massive power of Nintendo. The main thing you need to know about WSC is that it’s a Japanese handheld made for the Japanese market and hence all the games are in Japanese. This means that if you want to play Final Fantasy IV, Front Mission, Riviera: The Promised Land, Romancing SaGa or any of the many other excellent RPGs available you need to be able to read Japanese. This leaves the non-Japanese reader with a scant number of options that are not reading intensive. Rockman EXE WS, Mr. Driller, and Golden Axe are about it, with a few other games that are compatible, which were released for the WonderSwan. I personally only own two games that I can figure out how to play enjoyably with no knowledge of Japanese, those being Pocket Fighter and Mr. Driller. Foreign languages make me feel like a moron. If foreign languages do the same for you, you may want to avoid WSC.

Pocket Fighter was published for the original Wonderswan which is a black and white portable. Unlike the Gameboy Color which could display original Gameboy games in color the WSC has no option to colorize original Wonderswan games. The black and white graphics of Pocket Fighter are a bit difficult to see without direct bright light and the controls feel a bit mushy and unresponsive. The latter issue is because even though the WSC has two sets of + pad positioned buttons, in addition to the NES-like A and B buttons, they are in fact individual buttons. Control schemes have changed over time but the eight way digital + pad of the original NES has made an appearance in some form on nearly every piece of gaming hardware since it appeared on the NES. The WSC’s choice of individual buttons is a bit of a curious departure but by no means cripples the handheld. It’s not as difficult to play with the buttons as playing an action game on a cell phone but it is a bit weird.

My WSC has a bit of trouble powering on sometimes which I assume is a unique defect of my individual unit. When the power button on the front of the unit is depressed sometimes the sidebar of the screen will flash black but not actually power the unit on. The other power related issue, one that presumably affects all WSC, is that it does not work with rechargeable 1.2V AA batteries but requires a 1.5V AA battery. I believe that 1.5V AA rechargeables are available however most rechargeable NiMH and NiCad AA batteries are 1.2V. Weaksauce. The only bright point is that a rechargeable power pack is available and that the WSC only needs one AA to run.

The only other bit of hardware weirdness is the sound. The sound is basic mono 16 bit audio without any problems with the quality. The curiosities relate to the hardware itself. Firstly, rather than a volume knob or dial the WSC has a sound button that switches between four volume levels. The other curious sound related hardware issue is that there is no headphone jack. There is a proprietary EXT. port that was used both for a headphone adaptor as well as a snap on mini turntable that was released with Beatmania. I repeat, Beatmania for Wonderswan featured a snap on mini turntable. How rad is that? I totally want that. It has to be at least 100% cooler than the Guitar Hero fret attachment that is allegedly being released with the upcoming NDS version of Guitar Hero.

Mr. Driller is a much more excellent game then Pocket Fighter for WSC. My first exposure to Mr. Driller was on the WSC and I was greatly impressed. The game should not be enough to convince a non-Japanese reader to purchase a WSC because, since Mr. Driller’s original appearance in arcades in 1999, it has appeared in various forms on PC, GBC, GBA, GameCube, NDS, Dreamcast, PSX, Cellphone, and is slated to appear on Xbox Live this Spring. As an alternative to the WSC version I highly recommend Mr. Driller 2 on the GBA. That said, it is an awesome game that is very fun to play on WSC.

Here is my understanding of the plot based upon both the GBA and WSC versions of the game as well as the video bellow. Keep in mind this is probably much more accurate then my understanding of Mappy. Subterranean aliens threaten to bury the earth under millions of tons of colorful plastic cubes so the UN calls in Susumu Hori AKA Mr. Driller, the son of Dig-Dug and world’s greatest driller. Susumu’s hyper intelligent talking dog Puchi is all like “Shit yeah he’ll save the world! Mr. Driller is the world’s greatest driller!” Susumu is like “Hold up Puchi, I’m not drilling anything looking like this. Where is my pink drilling jumpsuit?” Puchi is like, “Don’t get your panties in a knot, I just took it out of the wash.” Mr. Driller, properly suited up, drills to the center of the world where the subterranean aliens live. Once he meets said aliens he is like, “Cut it out guys!” The subterranean aliens are like, “Don’t you like colorful cubes?” Mr. Driller is like, “Who doesn’t but for serious, they are tres’ gauche.” Aliens are all like “What a dick.” But are secretly so crippled by Susumu’s impeccable fashion sense that they stop making cubes out of pure shame. End of Game!

Once powered on the graphics are easy enough to see even under less then perfect lighting conditions. Even though the menus are in Japanese there are few enough options and enough English to make getting into the game easy enough. The game itself is a very simple puzzle game, with its roots in Tetris, that merely requires a player to continuously burrow toward the bottom of the screen using a drill that destroys sets of similarly colored adjacent blocks that make up the ground. As sets of blocks are destroyed, blocks that have not been destroyed will fall filling in the empty spaces or being caught by similarly colored block sets. When the falling blocks land on a similarly colored set of blocks and make a set of four or more the set will be destroyed. This basic mechanic is fairly easy and a careful player would have no problem burrowing were it not for the additional twist of an air timer that requires the player to pick up air canisters or suffocate. The game is basically a race downwards from air canister to air canister while trying not to be crushed by falling blocks.

In the final analysis I wish I could read Japanese.

PSP top 10 and other games you could be playing instead.

My PSP Lite gets a lot of use. I spend quite a bit of each day commuting on the bus and the PSP has a broad set of utilities. Even though the PSP is, at its core, a gaming device, I primarily use it as a portable video player. The screen is one of the best and the price of memory is low enough now that it is quite reasonable to get a 4 gig card which holds several hours of decent enough quality video as well as all your game save data and a couple downloaded games from the Playstation Store. Additionally, since many of the busses in Seattle have Wi-Fi, it is possible to use the web browser en route. The interface is clunky and the PSP is a bit slow when it comes to web browsing, but it is nice to have the option. Unfortunately the quality of the bus Wi-Fi makes online gaming impossible. If you spend a lot of time traveling or sitting around, like PS 2 style gaming, and would like a portable multimedia player, the PSP is an excellent choice for a portable gaming device. If you don’t spend a lot of time out and about and already own a PS 2, there is almost no reason to buy a PSP. That’s not to say that there are no good games, there are just many similar options on other systems. To that end I present the PSP top 10 and other games you could be playing instead.

10. Tekken: Dark Resurrection is a near perfect port of the Tekken 5 arcade game. The game is seriously gorgeous and plays perfectly on the PSP. I am particularly a fan of Devil Jin who is some sort of emo cosplaying and/or devil angel. Jin is supposedly the grandson of the main bad guy in the series Heihachi Mishima who is an elderly gentleman with amazing combat skills and perfectly styled ‘hair wings’. Jin is very angry with his grandfather for some reason presumably unrelated to the ‘hair wings’ and that is why he is so emo. The PSP is perfectly suited for fighting games. One of the weaknesses of the PSP is the lack of a second analogue controller. However, most fighting games, Tekken: Dark Resurrection included, are played optimally without analogue controls. The fighting system is quite deep and feels perfectly responsive. The only real negative is the lack of an online multiplayer mode. It is a very excellent game but it is overshadowed by its console and arcade brethren. Oh and you can play as a freaking fighting Panda. How awesome is that?

Other recommended games in the genre on the PSP: Street Fighter Alpha 3 Max

Recommended games on other systems: Tekken Tag Tournament (PS 2), Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Wii), Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter (PSX), SNK vs. Capcom: Match of the Millennium (NeoGeo Pocket Color)

9. Burnout Legends is awesome racing fun! It seems like the racing genre is a bit weak on the current generation of consoles which might be why Burnout Legends feels like a throwback to the classic Burnout Series. The game packs all the arcade style over the top racing and crashing of the Burnout series into the PSP. The graphics are very nice and the controls are decent. It takes a bit of time to adjust to steering with the analogue nub but fortunately racing games don’t require two analogue controls. Unfortunately the game brings nothing new to the table. Sure there are fiery wrecks that undoubtedly result in the deaths of hundreds of innocents and the twisted wreckage of broken dreams of illegal street racing fame as husks of tuners pirouette in a ballet of destruction but… This is basically exactly what you can get from the main Burnout series on consoles but trimmed down for the PSP. It’s a great game but available in a bigger better console form.

Other recommenced racing games on PSP: Pursuit Force: Extreme Justice, Wipeout Pure, and SSX on Tour

Awesome racing games on other systems: Mario Cart (NDS), Burnout 3: Takedown (PS2, Xbox, 360), Gran Turismo 4 (PS2), Colin McRae: Dirt (360, PS3, PC)

8. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories, I played it and was like, “Holy crap it’s Grand Theft Auto on PSP!” The game has different missions from its console brethren which gives it a leg up. I’m a total slut for Rockstar Games and am counting the day until GTA 5 is released. I used to dress up as CJ when I played San Andreas. Seriously we had matching berets and black turtlenecks, Sara will vouch for this. [Editor’s note: He did dress up like CJ. It was embarrassing.] Not all of their games are fantastic and some feel like experiments for their next Grand Theft Auto game however I will always love Bully, and will never forget San Andreas. The personalities of the games are amazing and unfortunately Vice City Stories stumbles a bit here. It seems like they might have put their B-list writers on this one. The game does not quite live up to the rest of the series. That said there is a cameo from Phil Motherfucking Collins culminating in a Phil Collins concert.

Other Rockstar games on PSP: Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, The Warriors

Sweet open world games on other systems: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2, Xbox, PC), Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction (PS2, Xbox), Assassins Creed (360), Fable (Xbox), Crackdown (360)

7. Medal of Honor: Heroes 2 is the best first-person shooter on the PSP. We are in a bit of a FPS golden age right now with bajillions of FPS being released at a near constant rate. The PSP is possibly the worst console for FPS games because it has no second analogue stick. Hence moving and looking have to be dealt with another way. Medal of Honor managed to create a control scheme that feels very useable. I would say something funny about the game here but that would demean the sacrifice that the brave men and women that recreated the entirety of WWII in video game form gave. Never forget… Most importantly the games are fun and they offer awesome multiplayer options online.

Other recommended shooter games on PSP: Call of Duty: Roads to Victory, Medal of Honor: Heroes, Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron

Shooting games that rock on other systems: Call of Duty 3 (PS2, PS3, Wii, Xbox, 360), Bioshock (360), Metroid Prime Hunters (NDS), Goldeneye 007 (N64), Gears of War (360), Orange Box (360, PS3), Resident Evil 4 (Xbox, PS2, NGC, Wii)

6. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night was originally released on the PSX and continued and expanded on the classic Castlevania game-play while at the same time ushering in a new era of Castlevania design philosophy that has continued to flourish all the way onto the Nintendo DS. The game feels classic and modern at the same time. I could go on at length about how this is the near height of Castlevania game-play artistry and design by bringing open world exploration and collection to Castlevania, refining controls and creating beautiful 2D art. That would miss the point that number six on the list is a ten year old game that can be officially played on no less then six consoles. Seriously is there anything original on the PSP?

Other recommended side scrollers on PSP: Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles, Metal Slug Anthology

Must play side scrollers on other systems: Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow (NDS) Castlevania: Symphony of Night (PSX, Sega Saturn, 360, PS3, PSP), Super Metroid (SNES, Wii), Gunstar Heroes (Genesis, Wii), Super Mario 3 (Nintendo)

5. God of War: Chains of Olympus is the third in the series of the most excellent third person over the top fighting action game series God of War and the first developed by Ready at Dawn studios. The game is actually a prequel to the first and second games but manages to stuff almost all the action, bastardized Greek myths, violence, frontal nudity, and badassery of the God of War series on the PSP. The controls are dead on and the graphics are amazing. The story is interesting and plays on the pathos established in the earlier games. There is a bit of a schism in the action fighting game world. There are basically two camps, the Ninja Gaiden camp, who believe that your fighting games should be amazingly difficult, technically challenging, and boob free and the God of War camp that believe that the games should be amazingly fun, look really cool and have maximum full frontal nudity. I fall into the latter. God of War: Chains of Olympus is not original but stays true to a premiere series on the PS2 and, for a fan of the series, might even justify the purchase of a PSP, especially if you like looking at CGI boobs on the bus while sitting next to some unsuspecting middle aged commuter lady.

Somewhat similar recommended games on PSP: Monster Hunter Freedom 2, Chili Con Carnage

Games on other systems you should play before you consider GoW:CoO: Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening (PS2, PC), God of War (PS2), God of War II (PS2), BMX XXX (Xbox but only for the bad CGI boobs)

4. Syphon Filter: Logan's Shadow is stealth action done perfectly on the PSP. I really enjoyed the Syphon Filter series from its earliest incarnations on the PSX. Unfortunately Syphon Filter did not age all that well until it appeared on the PSP and all the sudden it was freaking amazing! Even the name of the main character Gabe Logan which started to sound silly before the game came to the PSP took on a new sheen. Like he was one half the angel that signals the end times and another half Huge Jackman (the tough Wolverine not the wussy Kate & Leopold Jackman). The voice work is great, the graphics are beautiful, the game-play is perfect, the story engaging, the AI is quite decent, and the level design is boss. The game keeps true to its roots but feels like a refinement in every possible way. Additionally it has some decent multiplayer options to keep things fresh after the campaign is done.

Other recommended games on PSP: Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops, Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror

Rad stealth action on other systems: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty (PS2), Tenchu Stealth Assassin (PSX)

3. LocoRoco is happiness in game form. The Playstation brand represents to me, among other things, innovation and originality. The PSP library largely fails on this count. LocoRoco is one of the few great games on the PSP that really innovates and is truly original (the list until now is entirely sequels and ports). The game is basically a side scrolling platforming game however, instead of playing as the main character, the player is put in the role of the planet that the heroes of the game, the loveable singing LocoRoco, inhabit. The LocoRoco are moved about by tilting the planet they are on with the R and L buttons. They need to be guided thru the levels to find more of their kind so that they might thwart the evil Moja. I am not sure exactly how the LocoRoco are supposed to thwart the Moja but I suspect it is thru song. The LocoRoco constantly sing and the songs are all super catchy. The game oozes personality and is oh so fun. It is not the most quirky or original game on the PSP, that honor goes to Patapon, but it is a close second.

Other recommended quirky games on PSP: Me & My Katamari, Patapon, PaRappa the Rapper, Tokobot

Games that innovate and/or are quirky on other systems: Katamari Dalmancy (PS2), Elite Beat Agents (NDS), Wario Ware Touched! (NDS), Super Mario Galaxy (Wii), Mr. Driller (GBA, Wonderswan), Shadow of the Colossus (PS2)

2. Jeanne d'Arc, is a totally excellent role playing game on the PSP. I don’t understand why there are not more RPGs on the PSP. The PSP seems like the perfect place for RPGs. I personally do not want to spend the time for a full length level grinding RPG at home when I could be doing something more productive or less of a time sink however, when I have an hour to kill on the bus I absolutely love a good RPG. Oblivion on the 360 I hate but if it was on the PSP I would love it. Jeanne d’Arc is a fictionalized account of Joan of Arc done as a tactical RPG. The game is dense but approachable and features a combo system that is original and interesting as well as a unique ability system that is most similar to the materia system from Final Fantasy VII. The art is lovely and has several animated FMV sequences that give extra punch to some parts of the game. The game has a nice ramp up and is quite challenging towards the end. Plus one of the characters in the game is a frog and they turn out to be British. How ironical is that in a game that features the French?

Other recommended RPGs on PSP: Final Fantasy Tactics: The War of the Lions, Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness, PoPoLoCrois

Some of the best RPGs on other systems: Advance Wars: Days of Ruin (NDS), Beyond Good & Evil (PS2, Xbox, GCN), Final Fantasy X (PS2), Chrono Trigger (SNES), Earthbound (SNES), Fire Emblem (GBA), Xenogears (PSX), Final Fantasy VII (PSX), Front Mission 3 (PSX)

1. Daxter is the freshman Ready at Dawn outing on the PSP and is amazingly good. 3D platformers in general rank among my least favorite games and yet Daxter is so masterfully done that it justifies the purchase of a PSP, hence the existence of the PSP Daxter Entertainment Pack which comes with a copy of Daxter and a sexy silver PSP. Yes, yes, yes, the best game available on the PSP is another entry in a long established Playstation series but it is tremendous amounts of fun. Somehow the game takes the annoying sidekick from the Jak and Daxter games and manages to make him really funny and likeable. If I had not played Daxter and met Daxter in the real world I would probably stomp the vermin to death and then stomp a bit more just to make sure. Poor smooshed Daxter… Most importantly the game is very fun and well designed. I would gladly sit on my couch and play this game instead of an alternative game on the 360.

Similar recommended game on PSP: Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters

Other games you could be playing instead: Super Mario 64 (N64, NDS, Wii) Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal (PS2), Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy (PS2), Conker: Bad Fur Day (N64), Psychonauts (Xbox, 360)

So that is the definitive top 10 PSP game list, one clogged up with sequels and ports which is rather unfortunate. Perhaps Sony will take a clue from Nintendo’s success with the DS and attempt to bring some original IP and gameplay to the PSP. Somehow I suspect not, even though Patapon and LocoRoco are good signs. It seems very fortunate for Sony that Blu-Ray has emerged as the dominate high definition format because they have seemed to have lost quite a bit of the Playstation magic in the transition to the current generation of gaming hardware. Being stuck, as it were, between a proverbial rock (Microsoft) and a hard place (Nintendo) has not been easy for the Playstation brand as they commit one PR blunder after another. Perhaps nervousness at Sony is inspiring them and their developers to play it safe? Regardless the PSP, while building a strong library, has rather failed to bring much of anything new to the gaming public. I love my PSP and drag it around with me all the time, I just never play it when I have a home console at hand. The same could not be said of the Nintendo DS which truly offers a unique experience that can only be had on the DS. If you do your gaming at home pick up one of the recommended games on other systems. If you already own a PSP or spend a lot of gaming time away from your home consoles and decide to purchase a PSP, go buy the games from the top 10 list. You will be happy with awesome, if unoriginal, fun time.

Oh sweet NEC TurboExpress, how I cry for you.

Back in the day I loved my TurboGrafx-16. I picked it up during high school and had several really awesome games such as Bonk’s Adventure, Bomberman 93’, R-type, Military Madness, and the oh so gruesome Splatterhouse. God those are some awesome games. The first, and one of few, games to bring me to tears was the TurboGrafx-16 Super CD-ROM version of the game Exile. The game is set during the Crusades and is about an assassin named Sadler who is hired by the Knight’s Templar to search for an object called the Holimax. This object will save the world and bring all people under one god. There are Masonic rituals and the killing of Buddhist and Hindu deities which culminates a battle with Hiram Abiff, a figure that according to Freemasonry is chief architect of King Solomon's Temple. At some point in the game Rumi, who is one of Sadler’s side kicks and love interests, dies. At the very end of the game the speech that Rumi gave on her ‘death bed’ is delivered again, this time using the technological power of CD audio. My eyes welled up with tears. Even watching the closing moments of the game (below courtesy of a user from Youtube) today I get slightly choked up.

Shut up! I know the end is hokie! This was AUDIO though. The amazing power of spoken AUDIO was unheard in games at this time.

Nostalgia can really color one’s love for a console and such is the case with the TurboGrafx-16. The very best the system had to offer were a handful of RPGs for the Super CD-ROM and Bomberman which could be played head to head with 5 players using the TurboTap. This brings me to the big deficits of the TurboExpress. No TurboTap and no CD ROM drive. There is a built in controller on the TurboExpress which feels just like the TurboPad. The controller has a fairly standard + pad as well as four buttons labeled Select, Run, I and II. These last two buttons have turbo switches (probably officially known as TurboSwitches). There is however no place for a second controller or TurboTap. This means that even though the system supports TV out you can only play the potentially really fun MP games, like Dungeon Explorer or Bomberman, with only one player. Unfortunately Dungeon Explorer is the ass solo.

The Super CD-ROM was sold both as one unit and as an add-on for the basic TurboGrafx-16. The add-on, however, was not compatible with the TurboExpress. The one add-on that was available for the TurboExpress was the TurboVision. TurboVision was a Tee-Vee tuner attachment for the TurboExpress which gets both VHF 2-14 and UHF 14-69. You might remember the UHF tuning band from such movies as the Weird Al classic “UHF” which features such classic lines as “You took the box? Let's see what's in the box! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! STUPID! You're so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID!” and “You're a lucky, lucky, lucky little boy. 'Cause you know why? You get to drink from... the FIRE HOOOOOSE!”

TurboExpress is pretty bulky, about the size of a VHS tape, and has some nice weight to it. The screen is nicely sized at 2.6 inches, is a bit pixely, and experiences slight temporary burn in if anything stays on screen for more then a second. In general games are clear and playable. I played a bit of Bomberman which is excellent but as I mentioned limited to single player. It has aged fairly well though is not as good as Bomberman 93’ for TurboGrafx and rather pales in comparison to the SNES Super Bomberman series. This brings up another issue with the system: the library of games is a bit weak. For instance, Bonk on TurboGrafx is not as good as Super Bonk on SNES. Military Madness is awful compared to any Advance War game on the GBA or Nintendo DS. Legendary Axe is a weak Golden Axe and Ninja Spirit is not quite as good as Ninja Gaiden and so on. Truth be told, most of the games for TurboGrafx are downright bad compared with games available on other consoles. I really want to be excited about the TurboExpress but it hasn’t aged that well compared with some other systems.

Blue Wizard is about to die.

I am really sick this weekend. I am tempted to forgo a post for this week but, instead I’m going to have a link-o-ramma. Bellow are some of my favorite gaming related websites.

http://kotaku.com/ Awesome site for video game news. My favorite gaming related site.

http://www.ign.com/ Mainstream site for video game news. Good source of reviews and previews.

http://www.1up.com/ Another review/preview site.

http://www.metacritic.com/ Not just games but a review site for all sorts of stuff. Highly recommended.

http://www.pocketgamer.co.uk/ Specifically deals with portable gaming.

http://www.psp-spot.com/ Hackercentirc PSP site.

http://ultimateconsoledatabase.com/portables.htm Big list of consoles.

http://www.superufo.com/ Crazy import site for games and obscure handhelds.

http://zodiacguide.sitesled.com/ Tapwave Zodiac resource site.

http://www.gamasutra.com/ A site for gaming professionals.

http://www.mega64.com/ Video game comedy video website.

http://www.mobygames.com/ Like the IMDB for games.

Post done, now I’m going to go lay down and die.

More System Photos.

New additions Include VG Pocket, FC Mobile, Coleco 20 Sega Games, Pocketfami, Nickelodeon Back to the Barnyard and Nintendo Virtual boy.

One Station, Digital Crystal Panel: You can play Mappy!

Mappy is a mouse who dresses as a police officer, enters hotels, and “retrieves stolen goods”. I’m not sure that he is an actual police officer. If he is I’m fairly sure he is a crooked cop.

Allow me to back up a bit. One Station Digital Crystal Panel is potentially one of the most awesome handhelds ever. There are several reasons for this. The controls are tight and responsive. The price is quite reasonable and the system is still available new. The games are spot on versions of classic games. The system is really small, not much larger than a Gameboy Micro. Best of all, the screen is totally awesome. I could go on and on about the screen. The screen is one of the best screens of any handheld. The advertised specs for the screen are a LCD resolution of: 960px x 240px, with 26000 colors per pixel. In layman’s terms it looks simply awesome. There are negatives. The main negative is the library of games. Strangely however, game selection is also one of the system’s strengths. As an example, my favorite game cartridge is called 8B35-A Pocket Big Soft Max 35 in 1. It has the following games on it:

01. Boukenjima 2

02. Double Dragon 2

03. Super Contra

04. Code Name Viper

05. Super Chinese

06. 8 Eyes

07. Burai Fighter

08. Family J

09. Toki No Kagi Densetsu

10. Battle City

11. Donkey Kong Jr

12. Galaga

13. Toobin

14. Super Mario Bros

15. 1942

16. Pac-Man

17. Alien 3

18. Lode Runner

19. Circus Charlie

20. Donkey Kong

21. MAPPY!!!!!!!!!!

22. Mario Bros

23. Pinball

24. Road Fighter

25. Recca

26. Yie Ar Kung-Fu

27. Balloon Fight

28. Bomber Man

29. Xevious

30. Golf

31. Pooyan

32. Popeye

33. Gurume World

34. World Cup Soccer

35. Super Sprint

On one cartridge!

The system is called One Station because every cart follows the naming convention of “# in one”. This is pretty freeking awesome. Unfortunately many carts have several of the same games on them. Super Contra, Donkey Kong and the original Mario show up on several different carts. Other carts are full of crap you have never heard of before. Some of these unknowns are quite good like Binary Land or Cattou Ninden (Having no knowledge of Japanese I have translated the name to “Super Ninja Cat Team Go!”). I am kind of torn between 8B35-A Pocket Big Soft Max 35 in 1 and Classical Big Soft Max Pocket 34 in 1 8BJD34 which has pictures of the Ninja Turtles on it as my favorite. Classical Big Soft Max Pocket 34 in 1 8BJD34 has some awesome games including Ninja Turtles 2, Mega Man 5, Ninja Gaiden, Shadow of the Ninja, Mappy and 29 more awesome games. I’m not sure exactly why I prefer 8B35-A Pocket Big Soft Max 35 in 1 over Classical Big Soft Max Pocket 34 in 1 8BJD34. I do know why my favorite is not 35 in 1 VS Power. Though 35 in 1 VS Power does have, Shatterhand, Snow Bros, Excite Bike, and Cattou Ninden it does not have Mappy and is therefore inferior. Maybe I just like 8B35-A Pocket Big Soft Max 35 in 1 better because it has more games or maybe it is because of the weird game selection screen for Classical Big Soft Max Pocket 34 in 1 8BJD34 which features cows, turns me off. What do cows have to do with Ninja Turtles? In any case the game I play the most on the One Station is Mappy.

The plot of Mappy, as best as I can tell, follows. There is a chain of hotels that are run by a cadre of cats called the Mewkies. The manager of the Mewkies hotel chain is a rotund cat named Goro. He is a fun loving cat and a fair boss. Sure he looks a bit like Brando and nobody can ever quite understand what he is saying but he is basically a good guy. One day Mappy the mouse shows up demanding that the stolen goods be returned.

“I’m calling in your effing ticket and you are going to pay what you owe.” Mappy threatens.

Goro, confused, claims that there are no stolen goods. Mappy in his most Eastwood like manner drops the nice guy ruse and repeatedly slams Goro’s face into a door handle in a display of violence so shocking it is usually reserved for a Cohen brother’s films. Goro, blood soaked*, manages to crawl to a hiding spot behind one of his many copies of the Mona Lisa. While Goro, panicked, scurries from hiding place to hiding place, the hotel staff made up of Mewkies attempt to stop Mappy from marauding their hotels. Mappy’s objects of desire are pairs of valuable objects littered about the hotels. They are always in pairs. This is one of Goro’s many eccentricities that there must be two of any object in every hotel. These objects include the previously mentioned copies of the Mona Lisa, boom-boxes, tee-vees, computers, and safes. There are no customers at the hotels though this is quite unsurprising since the hotels have no stairs. Goro is quite mad, having more in common with the Island of Doctor Moreau Brando then the Godfather Brando and had the architects build his hotels to very specific specs.

Speaking of specs, the specs of the One Station has been the object of some scrutiny on the interwebs. Apparently the One Station is nothing but the screen, a few buttons, a speaker and a place for the batteries. The cartridges have, not only the games, but the entire systems on them. I love whoever first manufactured NOAC (Nintendo on a chip). Because of NOAC there are all sorts of Fami-clones, which are systems that play original 8 bit Nintendo or Famicom games. Several of them are handheld like the Handy Fami Eight, and they in general play full original Famicom cartridges or take no carts at all. One Station is unique in this respect. It takes the special carts. There were rumblings of flashable carts but these never materialized, perhaps due to the relative obscurity of the system. So the One Station owner is limited to the games available. That means no super Mario 2 or 3, no Dragon Quest or Final Fantasy, no Yoshie’s Cookie or Dr. Mario. Many of the best games are simply not available on the One Station. Mappy however is.

Each hotel has trampolines to get from floor to floor, bell-towers, and special floors with trap doors. The trampolines have a strange deficiency that they can only be jumped on 3 times consecutively before they break and sends customers tumbling to their deaths in Goro’s special snake pits of death**. Once Mappy has successively “repossessed” all the safes and art from a hotel he goes on to the next hotel. Some hotels are special hotel filled with extra trampolines and lots of balloons. Mappy gets a reward of points for each balloon he collects. Most of the balloons are worth 200 points but in every level there is a super balloon that Goro has hidden inside worth 2000 points. I’m not sure if the points are given by Goro, the police force or, are simply some invented point system that Mappy has created himself but it is strange. If Mappy collects two of the same item consecutively, the point value of the second matching item gets a multiplier. A careful Mappy can get up to 8500 points per level this way. Mappy can also get points for finding Goro as he is hiding. If Goro is caught hiding he bribes Mappy with 1000 points so Mappy will not beat him more. The Strange thing is that if any of the Mewkies including Goro catch Mappy he rolls over. Mappy slams doors in faces, drops bells on heads, and triggers trap doors to defeat the Mewkies however, once caught by one of the kitties he gives up. Mappy use your fucking gun! At least smack them with your nightstick.

In short One Station is awesome, it has AV out, a great screen, fits in your pocket, and is reasonably priced at less than $40. In addition Mappy is awesome, it has cats and trampolines. I’ll admit that 90% of my info about the game is pure conjecture. Regardless I stand by my observations about the game. If my made up stuff about Mappy does not convince you consider this. There are 256 levels in Mappy. 256 levels of cat themed mouse cop action which is awesome even if Mappy won’t use his gun.

* Mappy the game has no blood.

** Mappy the game has no snake pits of death either.