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Pokemon Mini
Donkey Kong
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Atari Lynx
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Handheld Photo Shoot.
After the taking the photo of the Game.com last week I was feeling inspired not to write this week but instead take some artsy pictures. (Click the photos to view full size.)
N Gage
Donkey Kong
Gameboy
Gameboy Color
Game.Com
VG Pocket
Sega Game Gear
GBA
Coleco Sonic Handheld
Mattel Classic Basketball
Pocketfami
Gameboy Micro
N GageDonkey KongGameboyGameboy ColorGame.ComVG PocketSega Game GearGBAColeco Sonic HandheldMattel Classic BasketballPocketfamiGameboy MicroGame.com Pocket Pro, Lights Out: When Good Games Come to Bad Systems.
Sometimes a game system comes around that is so easy to trash on that mocking it is like kickboxing a six year old, easy and funny but ultimately unsatisfying. The Tiger Game.com is one such system. Everyone, if they have even heard of the Game.com, already knows that the system sucks. Even the marginally better Game.com Pocket Pro is such a miserable excuse for a system that playing it is, in general, an exercise in self loathing. The challenge is to actually say something nice about the Game.com.
The Game.com (pronounced game com) Pocket Pro is the smaller lighter version of the Game.com which was released in 1997. The Game.com was on of the 10 worst-selling Handhelds of all time and for good reason. Though it had a touch screen years before the Nintendo DS, decent controls, and was the first handheld to offer online connectivity it did not have much else to offer. The screen quality was very poor and the library of games was small with the best titles being only somewhat enjoyable and the worst being about as fun as being repeatedly bitten in the scrotum by a cete of angry badgers. One of the few bright spots was the game that came bundled with the Game.com, Lights Out.
Lights Out on the Game.com is played on a 6 X 6 grid that begins with a number of dark and light squares. Other versions of the game typically use a 5 X 5 grid and some even use larger grids or even arrangements of hexagons. The object of the game is to turn all the “lights out”. The control scheme on the Game.com is simple, when a square is tapped, the tapped square and all the directly adjacent squares change from on to off or off to on. There is a silly amount of math that has gone into creating strategies for playing the game. Apparently the easier to understand strategies are good enough to ensure victory but are not optimal solutions, which allows the game to retain it’s enjoyment even if you learn the basic solutions.
Lights out reminds me a bit of some of the fun touch controlled puzzle games on the DS such as Picross or Meteos. It is not nearly on par with either of those DS games in terms of complexity or game-play however, who is to say with some creativity that even better puzzle type games could not have been made for the Game.com. If Tiger had concentrated on making fun games rather than getting big name fast paced licenses the system might have flourished. Unfortunately none of the big name games are any fun.
Lights Out only real negative on the Game.com is the fact that the screen is difficult to see except in very bright light. Though the Pocket Pro has a front light it does no good unless the player is in pitch darkness. Since the only action in the game is switching between black and light boxes the low resolution and terrible refresh rate of the screen does not cause any severe difficulties. This is quite unlike playing Resident Evil 2 on the Game.com which is nearly identical to having a sloth of zombie Kodiak bears feast upon your liver.
Rather then subject yourself to the horror of the Game.com Pocket Pro (a system that is about as fun to play as having a parliament of amorous owls molest your feet) Lights Out is available at http://www.whitman.edu/mathematics/lights_out/.
If all the games were as enjoyable as Lights Out the system’s technical shortcomings could be overlooked however the games really make or break any system and Game.com does not have the games.
Scores:
Screen: 1/10 Screen is weakly front-lit, has a low refresh rate, and poor resolution. Most games have severe ghosting. No amount of fiddling with the contrast dial will make the screen any easier to see. All the Game.com units I have encountered have at least one line of missing pixels. System gets one point for having a functioning touch screen.
Sound: 5/10 System sounds beepie and obnoxious. This might be charming on a better all around system but on the Game.com it just adds to the suck.
Controls: 9/10. Controls are solid and feel nice and responsive. Touch screen is perfectly functional.
Availability: 5/10 It is possible to find online thru E-bay or at your local thrift shop but really why would you want to?
Analogies involving groups of animals using the correct terminology: 3/10 Could have said that Duke Nukem 3D is like being pistol whipped by a coterie of prairie dogs or Indy 500 is like being set on fire then run over by a Cooper Mini driven by a coalition of inebriated cheetah.
Price: 5/10 Any price it too much.
Library: 1/10 Out of a meager library of 20 or so games Lights Out and the built in Solitaire are the only games that are remotely enjoyable however both of these are available in other forms.
Overall: 1/10 Take a couple good ideas, combine it with lousy execution, an abysmal library, and behold you have one of the worst game systems ever.
Mid-Week Links: Handheld Edition.
Mid-Week Links: Handheld Edition.
Actual portable gaming related content for midweek links this week. What a novel idea.
I only understand half of what he is saying… and yet I cannot stop watching.
Another link about handhelds! Crazy!
Coleco Sonic Handheld: 20 entire games!
The rather vaguely labeled Coleco device is actually the Coleco Sonic Handheld which was originally available in 2006 exclusively thru Target stores in
The biggest deficit of the system is the fact that it has the 20 games built in. For every Sonic Triple Trouble there is a Sonic Drift. You get Alex Kidd in High Tech world and Alex Kidd in Miracle World which is cool however the inclusion of Columns and Columns 2 is just befuddling since they are nearly identical games. With such a small library of games it is quite easy to review in brief all of them.
Sonic Drift 2:
Sonic Drift 2 is a shitty Mario Kart rip off that looks and plays like an 8 bit version of Mario Kart… because it is. It may have been cool in the era of Road Rash or Outrun but it has not aged at all gracefully.
Sonic Triple Trouble:
Quite decent as noted above.
Alex Kidd in High Tech World:
Alex Kidd in High Tech World is a rather RPGish affair. It has a nonsensical plot that has to do with Alex Kidd trying to get to the video arcade however he is eventually stopped by Ninja.
Quoting directly from Wikapedia since the article does it far more justice than I possibly could,
“Alex Kidd is contacted by one of his friends, who tells him a new arcade has opened in town. Alex has a map to its location, but it has been torn into 8 pieces of notebook paper. Without the map, Kidd would not be able to find the arcade in time before it closes. Alex must solve puzzles, answer questions, run errands, and do housework in order to find all of the pieces of the lost map. The house itself holds many ways to delay Alex's quest, among a set of broken stairs, a defective computer, or a rusty suit of armor. Alex's father does not take kindly to have his son loitering about in their oversized mansion. Furthermore, the main gate is closed, so Alex has to find another way to leave his house. When he finally finds the map and leave successfully, there are ninjas who are determined to end him once and for all. The arcade closes at 5:00 PM sharp.”
Alex Kidd in Miracle World
Miracle World was the first of the Alex Kidd games and is a fun nonsensical little game that was high enough quality to spawn a whole series of games that were only tied together by the main character. The video bellow shows off the varied game-play of the game but not the lower resolution of the Coleco Sonic Handheld.
Altered Beast:
If you are my age you probably remember this as one of the most awesome games ever where you turn into a fireball throwing werewolf and beat the shit out of a bunch of supernatural baddies while
Astro Warrior:
Astro Warrior is a fun little shmup. A shump is a term for a shoot them up game where the player generally flies a spaceship, robot or, airplane horizontally or vertically across a flat plain blasting enemies. I optimistically googled “hump that shump” in hopes of finding a piece of house music. Alas it has not yet been recorded. Where are C + C Music Factory when you need them?
Aztec Adventure:
Aztec Adventure: The
Bomber Raid:
More shumpage only the bullets that fire from the planes are difficult to see making the whole experience a bit frustrating, unlike the Boom Chik Boom Chik of the dope drum line of the non existent Number One Summer Jam “Hump that Shump”
Columns:
Columns is an excellent little puzzler much like Tetris. I’ll always enjoy these casual games like Columns. Well worth playing.
Ecco II: The Tides of Time:
A game with dolphins!
Fantasy Zone
Fantasy Zone is another classic shump in the vein of Defender. Seriously though imagine the following song with “Everybody Dance Now” replaced with “Hump a Shumpy Shump Now”. Best song or greatest song?
Fantasy Zone: The Maze:
The Maze is actually not a shump at all but is a Pac Man clone. Fun Fact: Did you know that Pac Man was originally going to be called Puck Man but when it was realized just how easily the name could be altered by vandals on arcade cabinets to be quite naughty the name was changed?
Global Defense:
Back onto familiar territory Global Defense is another shump. This is actually a bit original and has a somewhat similar feel to Robotron (Geometry Wars for the kids). C + C Music Factory producer David Cole would have undoubtedly found this game inspirational had he played it.
Kung Fu Kid:
Kung Fu Kid is the first of the games included specifically to bring the total number of games up to 20. 14 games seems like such a low number I guess. Couldn’t they find 85 crummy games to include for the awesome sounding 99 games in one unit? Now that many games sounds totally awesome!
The Ninja:
The Ninja has a very exciting name. Did you know that July is National Ninja Month? Remember when you get attacked by Ninja that you heard it here first. The Ninja is not as exciting as real ninja and fortunately, far less deadly.
Quartet:
I have promised myself that I will both write my reviews earlier and not decide to write little blurbs about all the games on a unit when I know that I won’t be able to actually force myself to play more than a couple minutes of each one. The title screen shows only two characters and I am already expecting the worse. The game is not good but is not terrible either. I keep telling myself that at least because I know that the last game is called “Snail Maze” and I am dreading it. What would C + C Music Factory do? I ask myself and push on.
Snail Maze:
Snail Maze is exactly what it promises, the player controls a snail in a maze. Fortunately it is a really fast snail since game-play is timed. Though literally the bottom of the barrel of all the possibilities that could have been included on the unit the game is enjoyable in a up after midnight on a Sunday/Monday writing a blog about video games sort of way. The cheerful music could use more backbeat and some vocals. It has actually been reviewed on You Tube. I should have spent more time looking on You Tube for game reviews and less time looking for C + C Music Factory videos.
Super Columns:
Super Columns is an excellent little puzzler much like Tetris. I’ll always enjoy these casual games like Columns. Well worth… wait one assing moment! I already played this game! Oh I see Columns and Super Columns… The last game blurb has written itself!
Scores:
Screen: 8/10 Screen is bright and crisp but resolution looks crapped up for about half the games.
Sound: 7/10 System has a headphone jack and what looks like 2 speakers however one side is fake! One point deducted for being a faking faker who fakes.
Controls: 8/10. Controls are solid
Availability: 5/10 It is quite possible to find online thru Amazon or E-bay.
Price: 7/10 Anywhere between $35 up to $99 new makes this a bit expensive for a device that has 20 and only 20 games.
Library: 5/10 20 games come built in to this unit. A few are decent many are complete trash.
Overall: 6/10 This is a somewhat decent system that is hampered by the lack of games. If you are a Alex Kidd, Shump, or Sonic fan this may be worth the price however I would recommend getting your fix elsewhere.
Mid Week Shameless Self Promotion.
Started a resource for collectors on the site Squidoo it has links and videos that I have used and found informative. Enjoy!
http://www.squidoo.com/HandheldGames
http://www.squidoo.com/HandheldGames
GBA SP Redux: AGS-101 and 10 GBA games you should play.
I tore into the Game Boy Advance SP a few weeks ago and received a bit of criticism of my review. Particularly some readers thought that I did not give enough props to the brighter model the AGS-101. The AGS-101 was released in 2005 and featured a brighter screen but is otherwise identical to the Original GBA SP. Since that time I picked up a GBA SP AGS-101 and I must admit that the system feels considerably different then the original despite the fact that the only difference is the screen (see comparison bellow). Sure it is totally unnecessary for a DS owner to pick up the AGS-101 however, if they plan on playing a lot of GBA it might be worth it for the slightly smaller size and the fact that the GBA SP fits GBA carts all the way inside the unit. This begs the question, are there really enough worthwhile games on the GBA SP to justify the purchase of a AGS-101. The answer is a resounding yes.
8. The Lost Vikings
I can’t keep the games straight. One of them has friends that can be called and the other does not. Beside Kirby Canvas Curse and the N64 Kirby game Kirby games are fairly interchangeable to me. Kirby games all feel basically the same primarily because Kirby is such a unique character. He is a small pink flying sphere shaped monster which in no way makes him unique as this describes several Pokemon. The uniqueness comes from the variation of gameplay and the way that the player can solve simple puzzles using a large range of abilities. By using a type of suck attack Kirby feasts upon the flesh of his enemies to steal their powers, much like the Wendigo of Algonquian myth. Describing a Kirby game in a paragraph does the games a disservice
From casual games, to deep RPGs, to excellent old school side scrollers and even some simple 3D shooters and racers the GBA has an amazing library. I’ve tried to avoid games that have not aged so well such as the 3D racing or shooting games. The list bellow is more of a top 10 games you should play and that are just as fun today as anything the Nintendo DS or PSP have to offer.
10. Metroid Fusion
Yeah it’s a Metroid game. I’m trying to avoid the obvious on this list but damn it, Metroid games are so great. Fusion is no exception. It is difficult to go wrong with a Nintendo IP they make timeless classics that continue to be fun for years after other games become unbearably lame. I’m going to try to keep the Nintendo IP games you might already know and love off the list but I can’t promise anything.
9. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
Almost as revered as Nintendo for their games is Square Soft. Final Fantasy Tactic Advance is the worst of the Final Fantasy Tactics series. With the recently released Final Fantasy Tactics game released on both the DS and PSP Tactics Advance may have lost some of it’s luster. It is however an excellent game despite an annoying judge system. The judge system involves a jackass who mediates each fight but only cares that the combatants do not breaks some stupid arbitrary rule. Anything else goes. It’ll be like, no pocket knives! People are hacking at each other with swords calling down Shiva to smite their enemies then the player forgets the stupid no pocketknives rule for a second… My characters spent more time in jail for breaking the stupid rules then they did adventuring. Fortunately every thing else about the game is flawless.
8. The Lost Vikings
Blizzard was recently touting some big news about a new game coming out and I was pulling for Lost Vikings. The Lost Vikings is a classic SNES game ported to the GBA. It is a puzzle game disguised as a platform game. The player has 3 Vikings which they must control individually in order to navigate maze like trap filled levels in order to get all 3 Vikings to the exit. The game is enjoyable because of it’s perfectly put together levels and silly but likeable characters.
7. Super Bust-A-Move
Super Bust-A-Move is a decent port of Puzzle Bobble
6. Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland or Kirby & The Amazing Mirror
I can’t keep the games straight. One of them has friends that can be called and the other does not. Beside Kirby Canvas Curse and the N64 Kirby game Kirby games are fairly interchangeable to me. Kirby games all feel basically the same primarily because Kirby is such a unique character. He is a small pink flying sphere shaped monster which in no way makes him unique as this describes several Pokemon. The uniqueness comes from the variation of gameplay and the way that the player can solve simple puzzles using a large range of abilities. By using a type of suck attack Kirby feasts upon the flesh of his enemies to steal their powers, much like the Wendigo of Algonquian myth. Describing a Kirby game in a paragraph does the games a disservice
5. Gunstar Super Heroes
Gunstar Super Heroes is a sequel to Gunstar Heroes which is one of the best games ever to grace the Sega Genesis. It is not quite as good a game as the original is but is still quite excellent. It is a side scrolling action platform shooter in the vein of Contra that features lots of enemies and large complicated bosses. The original is considerably easier outside of the boss battles and was balanced perfectly for a fun and action packed experience. Gunstar Super Heros mixes gameplay up while retaining the feel and humor of the original. This game is well worth tracking down.
4. Wario Ware, Inc.:Mega Microgame$ or Wario Ware Twisted
I’ve already ranted about Wario Ware. It is still awesome.
3. ChuChu Rocket
ChuChu Rocket is a puzzle action game that was originally released on the Dreamcast. It is one of the proverbial easy to learn but difficult to master games. There are several modes some of which are simple puzzle modes and some that have a very action puzzle feel. The object of the game is to guide robot mice (Chu being Japanese for mouse) around a board into rockets while avoiding, or feeding monster cats. The mice and cats all move in predictable paths always turning right when hitting a wall or by following corners unless turned by a player placed directional arrow. Each level manages to have it’s own unique feel despite the controls being placing a generally limited set of arrows.
2. Fire Emblem
Fire Emblem is quite similar to Final Fantasy Tactic Advance, it is also very similar to Ogre Battle, Advance Wars, Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising, Fire Emblem II, and any of several other turn based tactics games. The genre works so perfectly on the GBA so I had to include at least one more on the list. Fire Emblem does not bog the player down with tons of plot and keeps the action as the focus.
1. Castlevania: Circle of the Moon
It was this or Mario, or Zelda or some other first party Nintendo game. Seriously the selection of first party games available of the GBA is awesome. The games on the system have a distinct classic feel but still hold up today and will probably hold up for years to come. Played on the AGS-101 they really do shine. You don’t have to play them on the AGS-101 but you should take the time to check them out.
Scores:
Screen: 9/10 The AGS-101 screen looks really nice with two levels of brightness and decent resolution.
Sound: 7/10 Has one speaker that sounds decent enough. System has no headphone jack and requires an adaptor to use headphones. I repeat, this is stoopid!
Controls: 8/10 Great controls but a little close together. The controller is classic Nintendo.
Availability: 8/10 Available new online or used at your local Pawnshop.
Price: 7/10 Anywhere between $35 used on Ebay and $160 new.
Library: 10/10 All the Gameboy, Gameboy Color and GBA games are playable. Awesome!
Overall: 9/10 The AGS-101 model of the GBA SP is a great system.
Mid Week... and all is well.
Some sites are informative and well written about things I am interested in. This one is about the One Station Elite FC 3000
http://www.ugvm.org.uk/?q=node/57
http://www.ugvm.org.uk/?q=node/57
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