Mid-Week Links (Cause videos are for the weak):

Chris sent this link celebrating the release of GTA…
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php

Funny story, I sent a totally knee jerk e-mail to a site that published a bit about a US version of the FC Mobile saying that there is no such thing and why are you spreading these lies! The reality is that there may in fact be a NES version of the FC Mobile. Instead of ignoring me (hello Pocket Gamer) and dismissing my possible jackassery he warned his readers that the system could be Famicom only. His site is general nerdery rather than specific to gaming but quite interesting.
http://technabob.com/

I just purchased the alleged US NES FC Mobile off Ebay and will report on it once it arrives. If this is for reals [sic] this could be, by far, the greatest handheld for playing NES games off carts ever in the history of games ever.
http://www.handhelditems.com/mobile-console-games-black-silver-p-12841.html

Ron Howard Presents: Grand Theft Auto

With the release of Grand Theft Auto IV this Tuesday I am nearly incapable of writing this blog entry because of my intense excitement. Seriously I am a total whore for Rockstar Games. Plus any game franchise based upon the 1977 Ron Howard classic Grand Theft Auto is alright in my book. Once The French Connection and Matlock are turned into games, my gaming life will be complete. In case you missed it, a video of the trailer follows:

Fortunately the folks at DMA Design Limited, the makers of the original GTA, did not try to adapt Ron Howard’s masterpiece into a game when it was made… It is strange, some might say mystical, that GTA for Playstation was released in 1997 exactly 20 years later. Even more amazing is that the game is still the awesome after more than a decade. Another video follows:

But what does this have to do with portable gaming you say? An excellent question, my most unloyal readers. PS1 LCD combo exists in a grey area of somewhat portable gaming devices. It is true that the PS1 LCD combo does keep you tethered to a power supply and requires an external controller. However, it can be stuffed in a messenger bag and has an attached screen. While certainly not handheld it is quite portable. The screen on the unit is small enough that games on the rather underpowered Playstation look pretty good even today. That said, it’s almost difficult to think of this as the 3D powerhouse that it was once considered. The lack of processing power did not hurt the tiny behemoth which was able to massively out sell the formidable Nintendo 64 almost entirely due to the amazing library of high quality and less expensive games.

The first Grand Theft Auto is a top down driving game that is so graphically simple that it might be one of the more ageless games for the 32 bit Playstation. Cars are very simple rectangles and people are merely peopleishly shaped blobs. It is completely unremarkable and looks like it could have easily been done on the SNES. I still cannot figure out which blob is supposed to be Ron Howard. Only in the Gameboy Color version of Grand Theft Auto is Ron Howard less easy to identify. The gameplay is also nothing to write home about. Firstly the control scheme for moving on foot is almost the same as driving which is weird and counterintuitive. Combat is very clunky nearly to the point of being frustrating. In addition the game is not compatible with the analogue DuelShock controller which was introduced part way thru the system’s 11 year life span. All driving is done with the + pad. That said it is still a compelling and enjoyable game. This makes no logical sense to me. I suppose the automobile physics are somewhat decent and of course the game does have the open world structure that defines the series today. This does not fully account for the fun of the game. Much like all of the games in the series it is far greater than the sum of its parts. Nearly all the elements are there that have defined the series up to now.

The PS1 LCD and original Playstation on the other hand are a bit of an anachronism in addition to not being truly easily tote-able gaming platforms. For one, many of the games that made the PS1 great had equally good sequels on the PS2. Furthermore, most PS1 games are compatible with the PS2 and possibly the PS3 which in some cases is capable of upping resolution of old games. This makes the PS1 LCD a rather nitchy device that should appeal to very few consumers not due to lack of quality games but simply because chances are that a moderately dedicated gamer probably already owns something that plays original Playstation disks.

GTA lovers have several handheld options including the afore mentioned GTA on Gameboy color which I cannot really recommend, Grand Theft Auto Advanced for the GBA, as well as Liberty City and Vice City Stories which are excellent titles on the PSP.

It bears mentioning that it is possible to emulate the PS1 on the PSP and play the original GTA this way. If however you are one of the jerks who has downloaded the leaked GTA IV game, Ron Howard is going to come to your house and shoot you in the face.

i am handheld branding contest reminder.

Just a reminder that there is only a week left to get in your entries for the I am Handheld Branding Contest! One cunning reader will win a totally portable VG Pocket Caplet.

Mid-Week Links:

Tipster Chad found a video of the Lego Batman video game featuring the Riddler and the sexiest mini fig ever, Cat Woman. Meow!
http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/lego-batman/lego-batman-video-premiere/1204025

Cut-scenes from Animal Soccer World, possibly the best game ever made for the PS2 or any game system ever in the history of games. Unfortunately Tragically it was never released in the states.


And a link that will appeal to a select segment of my readers, Microsoft and Children’s Hospital team up to bring sick kids Xbox 360s. Ain't that sweet!
http://cic16.org/news-xbox.asp

AGP2 DO NOT WANT!

Apologies in advance for some salty language but I cannot fully express myself about the AGP2 without the use of some four lettered words and several internet memes.

As I was looking at the metrics report for this page I saw that somebody was searching for AGP2 and found I am Handheld. I instantly felt guilty for not having any info for the poor soul. What if they actually bought the machine expecting a fulfilling gaming experience? This would be akin to eating a pound of cheese and expecting a fulfilling bowel movement. Something had to be done! If you are looking for info on Advance Game Player 2 because you are considering buying one, you do not want one. Please inform the elderly that AGP2 sucks balls because some dip-shit codger is going to buy this piece of crap for their grandchild and it is a sad day when children think their grandparents are dickholes.

So what exactly is AGP2?

Well here is the totally accurate description that is provided by the product page on Amazon:

Product Features

· Features:

- 8 games with over 2,000 variations

- Auto Power off after 4 minutes of inactivity

- Sound on/off, pause function, LED on/off, backlit LCD

- Compact design, perfect for travel or to stow in a book bag

Here is some additional info as due diligence for writing a review of the AGP2:

AGP2 comes with 8 games spread across 4 carts. There could be even more games but I seriously doubt it since the back of the AGP2 has 4 slots on the back; three named storage and one labeled active. This is both convenient and totally stupid since all the games could easily fit on one cart or, even better yet, have been internal to the unit since nobody is ever going to try to find more games for it. The games include A TankGame, B StarBattle, C CarRacing II, D PinBall, E SnakeGame, F FillBrick, G CarRaceing III, and H HitBrick. I have no idea why there is no CarRacing I. Perhaps CarRacing I was deemed too low quality to be included?

I did manage to find a video of the AGP2 in action.

Ok, so I lied. The above video should however be included with the AGP2 on a DVD labeled “Video Manuel”. Other memes that could be used to best explain the level of suck of the AGP2 are Dancing Hamsters, Bananaphone, Dramatic Groundhog, Charlie Bit Me, and Nigerian Bankers.

If the above does not convince you not to buy the AGP2 I have made the following illustration of gameplay.

Convinced yet? No? I give up!!! Go ahead and buy one, moron!!!

AGP2 can be purchased from Amazon here: BUY AGP2 on Amazon.com

Mid-Week Links Videos:

Just one link (thanks again to Chad)…
Besmitten and Bejeweled
http://us.i1.yimg.com/videogames.yahoo.com/feature/from-matching-gems-to-the-perfect-match/1204743

And two videos…
“Designed to appeal to females and their sensibilities…” I’m pretty sure that more women would game if the games aimed at them sucked less…


Mario theme played by an RC car and wine bottles.

MD Max Genesis for Pirates… Arrrrrrr!

MD Max is a system made by the makers of the Onestation, one of my personally favorite handhelds. The MD Max has some distinct differences. Firstly while the Onestation plays 8 bit NES and Famicom games the MD Max plays 16 bit Genesis and Megadrive games.

I love the fact that the Chinese are masters of pirated classic gaming hardware. Let’s give them a cheer! Go the Chinese go! Backwards engineer classic consoles! Cheer complete. At some point Nintendo took a Famiclone manufacturer to court and lost the lawsuit. As I understand the situation, the copyright on the original NES’ hardware ran out and it is technically legal to manufacture and sell systems that play original Nintendo games as long as they contain no actual Nintendo software. This opened the floodgates for many other Famiclone manufacturers to try to fill a new potentially legally grey market. There have been some units that have supposedly gotten the big N’s blessing and some that have had the hammer fall on them for including Nintendo’s software without their permission. Anyone that dares to manufacture and sell a Famiclone is risking bringing down Nintendo’s wrath. I can only assume that the few Megaclones that exist fall into a similar grey area. If all goes well and a PS or N64 on a chip is developed and the legal loopholes that make these systems saleable don’t get sealed up we should only be a few years away from Sony and N64 clones. I count the days.

Please please please hurry the Chinese! I want my Onestation Max 64!

MD Max is slightly larger then the Onestation which is in turn a bit bigger then a Gameboy Micro. The back has a cheaply made DC 5.2V in that fits a GBA charger. Next to this is the battery compartment that fits 4 AAA batteries. The cartridge slot is off center and small. The cartridges are very small which makes it quite puzzling that the cartridges don’t fit all the way into the unit but stick slightly out. This design is par for course for the Onestation design if a bit uglier and less cool. Please the Chinese, make the cartridges fit all the way into the next pirated classic game console you make. On the front of the unit are a plus pad, Reset, Start/Pause and A, B, and C buttons that are arranged vertically along the right side of the unit. The screen is similar in size to a Gameboy Micro but has an aspect ratio of 16:9. This is one of the biggest problems with the MD Max. The original Sega games had an aspect ratio of 4:3 (possibly 3:2?) and MD Max stretches the image to fit the MD Max screen. Additionally the screen resolution is not that great, above average for a portable but not fantastic. Otherwise the screen is nice and bright with no ghosting.

Bellow is a decent video of the system in action courtesy of a user on youtube.com.

The MD Max is somewhat easy to find online but the library of games is quite small and are difficult to find online. This narrows the desirability of the console down to something only a serious collector would want unless they could find some games they wanted to go with the system. I was only able to find one worthwhile cart online from http://www.dealextreme.com. The cart is labeled MD Digital 5 in 1 JPS3A-004 and once powered on the title screen says King Series 5 in 1 SG3A004. Much like Onestation carts it features several games on a single cart. MD Digital 5 in 1 JPS3A-004 AKA King Series 5 in 1 SG3A004 features

1. World Champion Soccer
2. NBA Basket Ball
3. Sonic 2
4. Terminator 2
5. Fighting Master

I have no idea how good any of the sports games are as I have little experience outside of Madden 94 and some extreme sports titles. Terminator 2 is pretty awful as is Fighting Masters. Of all the fighting games for the Genesis Fighting Masters must be the worst… According to the demo screen text a giant Red Sun is going to go supernova “within hours” and 12 planets will be destroyed so they each have one representative who will fight in combat to the death with the winning planet being saved by an “omnipotent” race called the Primaries. Apparently the Primaries are total dicks since, in addition to waiting to the last minute to intercede, being omnipotent they could save all 12 planets. The player may, assuming they can stomach the clichéd classic plot, select between 12 characters including an oversized monstrous plant straight out of Little Shop of Horrors, an elephant-headed man that looks strangely like the Indian god Ganesh sans extra arms, and a 57 ft tall troll named Uppercut who, get this, wears boxing gloves. This all seems very cool until you try to play and encounter the crappy controls, obnoxious sound, and terrible animations.

This leaves Sonic. My readers must think I am completely obsessed with Sonic. This might be a tiny bit true however, that is beside the point. Except for looking a bit stretched and having some ugly graphical problems around the edge of the screen throughout the first level the game looks pretty good and plays perfectly. The sound is surprisingly good and although the system lacks a headphone out it does have an AV out which is a potential bonus for these systems.

I Am Handheld has been generating some traffic that might like scores along with the review type entries. To that end here are the scores for MD Max. Let me know if you like or dislike them.

Scores:

Screen: 7/10 Bright but a bit low res, aspect ratio is wrong for the system.

Sound: 7/10 Has one speaker that sounds pretty good however there is no headphone jack.

Controls: 8/10 controls are a bit mushy but feel plenty responsive.

Availability: 8/10 Still can be found new online.

Price: 8/10 Still can be found online new for under $40.

Library: 3/10 Plays Megadrive/Genesis games however selection is small and games are hard to find.

Overall: 5/10 Hampered by a screen that is the wrong size and a small library the system is not the best unless you can find carts that have games you really want on them.

Mid Week Links: Wood handheld, English of the Dead, and You Have to Burn the Rope.

A homemade wooden NES.
http://www.longhornengineer.com/Projects/NESpV3

Japan has all the best games
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iof5bzvApFA

An awesome Flash game “You Have To Burn The Rope”
http://www.mazapan.se/games/BurnTheRope.php

Attack of the Famiclones

Famiclones, game consoles that play 8 bit Famicom (Japanese Nintendo) games, are so freaking sweet. There are many Famiclones on the market though the selection of portable Famiclones is a rather smaller selection. When comparing portable Famiclones several different considerations must be made. These include availability, quality, genuineness of experience, and possibly the ability to play NES games.

First of all it bears mention that it is quite possible to emulate a Famicom with several different non Famiclone handheld options. These are not true Famiclones since even though they can run Famicom and NES ROMs they do not use the original cartridges. All the options that can run Famicom ROMS can also run NES ROMs, as the only differences between Famicom and NES games are the size of the carts and the pin layouts. They include PDAs such as the gaming optimized Tapwave Zodiac, I Phone, some cell phones, GP32, hacked PSP, or my personal favorite, the open source GP2X. All the listed options should, in general, be capable of emulating the NES/Famicom without too much trouble and software is available for all the above options. A key disadvantage (or advantage if cartridges are not your thing) of these options is that the games are not played off of original cartridges. Quality will vary by available emulators, screen quality, and control schemes. The issue of control schemes is perhaps the biggest consideration when looking at these options for use as Famicom/NES emulators. Since a consumer is not likely to purchase any of the above options primarily as a Famicom/NES emulator the primary use will likely dictate which product is obtained. Few of the multi use options are going to have great control schemes. If you want to use your cell phone you’ll need one with at least 246k RAM, a decent processor, and probably some way to attach it to your computer. The high profile cell phone that is getting a lot of independent developer support and development right now is the I-Phone. If you are a gadget nerd this is the obvious choice since it has the functionality of a PDA, internet browser, and MP3/video player. If you are looking for a dedicated classic gaming platform you can largely avoid the poor control scheme issue by purchasing a more dedicated device. Again I am going to recommend the GP2X. Though GP2X has not been featured here there is plenty of information available online.

The only recommendable “emulation free” option that does not require original Famicom carts is the Onestation. The Onestation is a Chinese cartridge based system that runs real Famicom/NES games on their own proprietary cartridge based system. It has great controls and a truly fantastic screen. The only disadvantage of the Onestation is a smaller available library of games though the available library includes both Japanese and US releases.

As far as availability goes the rarest Famiclone portables are in the category of NES Mods. An NES Mod of the portable variety is a hand made portable NES that is generally made with a NOAC (NES on a chip) and some sort of portable LCD packed into some form of custom case. These are some of the best and worst Famiclones since, depending on components used and craftsmanship, they can be far better and far worse than any commercially available Famiclone. The king of hardware mods is Benjamin J. Heckendorn who has made many different portable game systems from scratch. NES Mods are generally one of a kind creations and are therefore very rare. The advantage of the systems is that there are many options to obtain the needed NOAC, screen, controls and cases to make your own. Another positive is that it can be built to accept NES games without an adapter. The negative is of course that you have to actually build said machine. Unless you have time, patience, and skill you should probably simply buy a portable Famiclone.

The first portable Famiclone was the Top Guy. It allegedly ran off of six D batteries and lasted about an hour. Top Guys are apparently about as rare as the yeti. I don’t really need to write much about this unit because neither you nor I will likely ever see one and most information is from blurry pictures and hearsay.

Slightly less rare is the Game Axe. This unit takes 6 AA batteries and was considered the best portable Famicom available for quite a while. The likelihood of you seeing one of these is about as likely as seeing a Zetland (half Zebra half Shetland Pony) in the wild. I am seeking both a Top Guy and Game Axe for my collection however they do not seem to become available very often. If by some chance you have one of either unit you are willing to part with or know how to get one please contact me.

This narrows the field to systems that are actually somewhat more likely for you or me to actually see.

There are a couple true Famiclone options that are add-ons for other established Nintendo systems. These include the Cyber Famulator which is an add on for the Nintendo DS as well as the Handy Famieight which attaches to the GBA or may be used with external controllers and attached to a television. Neither of these options is ideal as they add considerable bulk to already full sized handheld systems and, at least in the case of the Handy Famieight, have cheap enough feeling construction to hamper the experience. An advantage of the Handy Famieight is that, with some care, it is possible to use a NES to Famicom adapter with included external controllers and play NES games on your Tee Vee.

This leaves a few viable options which include the FC Mobile, Pocketfami, and Game Theory Admiral. The negative of all these systems is that none of them a quality screen. They do otherwise rate fairly well in availability, quality, and genuineness of experience. The lesser of the 3 options is the Game Theory Admiral. The GTA has a lower quality screen and stiffer, less responsive feeling controls than the other two options but the biggest negative is the way that the cartridge attaches to the unit. The slot on the top of the GTA fits no known game cartridges but instead fits a type of “game spatula” that attaches to the core unit and has the standard Famicom attachment on the end of it. This means that unless the Famicom cart fits very firmly it is pretty easy to unseat the carts during play. The unit is very funny, quirky, and last I checked, still available new from a seller on Amazon. Though the GTA does not appear to be being manufactured anymore it is quite inexpensive new, though as it becomes harder to find it will likely increase in price. The FC Mobile and Pocketfami are very comparable with a few differences that will make them more or less desirable depending on what an end user desires from the system.

The FC Mobile is a slightly better choice as a handheld. The screen quality is just a tad better and the controls, particularly the + pad feel much better. The design of the unit is understated with all black except for a couple of chrome accents around the speakers. The button layout is top notch except for the fact that the reset button sits just bellow and to the left of the A and B buttons. I did not find the reset button’s location problematic but there is a higher chance of an accidental press than with the Pocketfami. There is both a headphone jack as well as an A/V out jack that allows you to play on your Tee-Vee or with headphones. I have not found any incompatibility issues with any carts though I am sure some must exist.

The Pocketfami has a slightly lower quality screen and a + pad that does not feel quite as good but has some other features that make it otherwise desirable. Firstly the reset button is up above the + pad where it will not be accidentally pressed and in addition to the A and B buttons Pocketfami has AA and BB buttons that act as turbo buttons. The color scheme of the Pocketfami stays true to the original Famicom with a crème and deep red casing which in the unlikely event that you grew up with a Famicom will undoubtedly increase the nostalgia value. The worthwhile additions to the Pocketfami are the inclusion of TV out, AC/DC in, and 2 controller ports. This makes playing NES games on a Tee-Vee with controllers and the use of a Famicom to NES adaptor possible. I got my copy of Super Mario Bros. 3 to run pretty well with a minimum of graphical strangeness. I am not sure about the availability of controllers for the system as they do not have same pin lay out as any Nintendo controllers. I happened to have a couple compatible controllers that are used with the Handy Famieight.

In the final analysis the top three recommended options are:

1. FC Mobile, with fewer options than some other Famiclones, it offers a pure experience and has controls and a design that just feels nice. The screen is not of the best quality but is the best of the units that play Famicom games. It is only really practical for use with Famicom carts as a NES cart with an adaptor will stick very far out of the game slot.

2. Onestation, very small, quite inexpensive, with great controls and an excellent screen. System lacks access to the full library of games which is the biggest negative.

3. GP2X, can be a bit expensive, has excellent controls, a quality screen, and can run SNES, Scumm, MAME, Genesis, and other types of games in addition to NES and Famicom games thru emulation. It is not the best system to just pick up and play as it takes around 20 seconds just to boot up.

Mid Week Links!

In addition to the I am Handheld Branding Contest! I have decided to try out a regular feature called Mid Week Links. It will be two or more gaming related links that may or may directly relate to handheld gaming posted “mid week” pretty effing clever ehy?. It’s a bit late for “mid week” but as they say “a miss is as good as a mile”. Whatever that means

Frankomatic presents a walkthrough of ET for the Atari:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLmi75WLKt0

Military uses Wiimote to disarm bombs (Thanks for the link Chad!)

http://us.i1.yimg.com/videogames.yahoo.com/feature/defuse-bombs-with-a-wii-remote/1200820

Maxim.com’s list of 7 video game currencies stronger then the US dollar.

http://www.maxim.com/7VideoGameCurrenciesStrongerThantheUSDollar/articles/22332.aspx

I am Handheld Branding Contest!

Hello my few but loyal readers. Today I am announcing the I am Handheld Branding Contest. The rules are simple, Create a logo, slogan, mascot, jingle, banner, Power Point presentation, or other piece of electronic media that you think would best help I am Handheld become the ‘next big meme’. All entries are due by April 30^th and the winner will be announced May 3^rd. All entries should be sent to sean_fear@hotmail.com and may be used on I am Handheld. All entries will remain the intellectual property of the winner but will be considered useable in any form, shape, or permutation by I am Handheld under the creative commons license.

Prizes:

One winner will receive a reconditioned VG Pocket Caplet handheld game system and will have their creation featured on I am Handheld. The VG Pocket system takes 3 AAA batteries and has 35 built-in games including three well-known classics – Space Invaders, Bust-A-Move, and Burger Time – the VG Pocket Caplet features a 2.5'' TFT LCD screen, four face buttons, and one D-pad. Any runner ups will receive my sincerest thanks and will have their creation featured on I am Handheld.

I am Handheld reserves the right to cancel, terminate or modify the contest if it is not capable of completion as planned for any reason, including, but not limited to, infection by computer virus, bugs, tampering, unauthorized intervention or technical failures of any kind.

Good Luck!