Tiger Telematics Gizmondo CNET Review.

Way back in 2005 CNET reviewed the Gizmondo giving it 2 1/2 out of 5 stars. Take a trip back in time by clicking the link bellow and relive the mediocrity of the Gizmondo all over again.

http://reviews.cnet.com/pdas/tiger-telematics-gizmondo/4505-3127_7-30923780.html?tag=rb_content%3brb_mtx

Collection Overview.

Haven’t posted a picture of the current collection or any new units in a while so I thought I’d make a video of the collection. Bellow is a quick overview of the entire collection as well as a photo of the entire collection. I was encouraged by getting a subscriber on YouTube and decided I owed him at least one more video. If you enjoy the videos or prefer the writing let me know and I’ll try to include whatever you my most disloyal readers prefer.

An open letter to Pocket Gamer.

This week is an open letter to Pocket Gamer magazine followed by a brief historical timeline of Handheld Gaming.

Dear Pocket Gamer,

I picked up a copy of your magazine and very much enjoyed it however, as I reached the end of the magazine I noticed that something was missing. Though your magazine is called Pocket Gamer your coverage does not even make a nod to Classic Handheld Gaming. I checked out your website and found that indeed there are no articles about the subject. This I feel does a grave disservice to your readers. Handheld gaming has been around for almost 30 years and deserves recognition of it’s rich history.

I could forgive you for ignoring the Microvision and most handheld gaming from the 80s however one cannot ignore the importance and relevancy of the original Gameboy. The Gameboy created handheld gaming and by publishing Tetris helped define much of handheld gaming’s landscape even today. Without Tetris’ massive success it is quite easy to conjecture a world where Nintendo failed and went the way of Atari. Without Gameboy the puzzle genre might be a very different place. Without other companies trying to force Nintendo off it’s pedestal, Nintendo might have never innovated. Without Nintendo there would be no PSP.

Classic portables effect on what is happening now aside, classic portable gaming is fascinating. Whether it involves the hack work of Ben Heck or the many retrofits of the original Gameboy there is a rich interest in classic handheld gaming both as an aesthetic and as an experience. From the cultural impact of Pokemon to the tragic tale of Stefan Eriksson there are so many interesting stories about old school games.

Beyond historical consideration old school portable games are fun. I fondly remember playing Tetris on a borrowed Gameboy and years later being wowed playing Zelda on the Gameboy Color. Fighting games on the Neo-Geo Pocket Color are amazing for their perfect simplicity. Any game ever released on the Watura Supervision is befuddlingly bad. Old school game systems are funny and quirky and unique.

Please Pocket Gamer, consider giving some coverage to the game systems of yesteryear.

Best Wishes,
Sean Fear

1979

Milton Bradley releases the first cartridge-based handheld video game system MicroVision. Nothing much happens in portable gaming for the next 10 years.

1989

Nintendo releases the Game Boy system. It's boxy has a lousy screen and is ugly as hell but everyone loves it.

Tetris is arguably the most important handheld game ever. It is released for the Gameboy which sells like crazy.

Atari Lynx is the first color handheld video game system but it does not have Tetris and eats batteries. System will hang around for years wishing it found Tetris first.

1990

Sega releases the Game Gear in Japan.

Turbo Express is released which plays TG 16 carts.

1991

Europe and US get Game Gear.

Japan gets Parodius on the Gameboy, while US gets boring old R-Type.

1992

Watura Supervision is released along with games like Recycle Design and, Untouchable which perfectly describe the game system.

25 million Gameboys have been sold.

1993

Mega Duck & Cougar Boy game systems are released in Europe. US suffers from never receiving these systems.

Zelda first appears on a handheld.

1994

94 is a slow year in handheld gaming due to "Grunge". Only game released is "Stop That Roach!" on the Gameboy.

1995

Nintendo releases Virtual Boy. It's totally 3D! Gamers develop a collective migraine.

Game Axe is released which is a pirate handheld Famicom player. Thanks to NES on a chip technology spawns many imitators.

Sega Nomad released. Genesis heads now have excuse to lug their Genesis cartridge collection around with them. System only fits in duffle bags.

1996

Neo Geo Pocket is released in awesome black and white!

1997

Tiger Electronics releases game.com. Someone better have gotten fired!

Sega stops supporting Game Gear format.

1998

Nintendo releases Game Boy Color.

Sony PocketStation is a mem card and a portable game!

Pokemon invade the Gameboy and millions of parents have no idea what the hell their children are talking about.

Games are still being released for the Lynx. Lynx users are like "In your face Nintendo!"

1999

SNK totally copies Nintendo and releases Neo-Geo Pocket Color. Metal slug now fits in your pocket as well as some awesome fighting games.

2000

Wonderswan is released. A couple nerds want it to come out in the US but nobody cares about their needs.

Majesco re-releases the Game Gear. It is called Game Gear Core System.

Neo Geo Pocket releases another Metal slug game then gives up when GBA appears on the horizon.

2001

Nintendo releases the Game Boy Advance handheld system.

Advance Wars, Castlevania: Circle of the Moon, F-Zero, and others are released for GBA. GBA is looking good.

GP32 is released, only a few nerds care. Homebrewers rock.

2002

Wonderswan Crystal is even more beautiful than it’s predecessor. It has a great library of RPGs but all are in japanesse.

GBA gets Zelda and Metroid, bathes in the blood of defeated game systems.

2003

Nokia releases the N-Gage It’s a phone and a game system. Casual gamers don't care. Hardcore gamers care even less.

Puzzle Bobble VS is releases for N-Gage. This game should be impossible to do a bad version of but somehow manages to get an average score of 22%.

Tapwave releases the Zodiac, it's a PDA made for games.

Timetap releases Gameking, China throws a party.

Game Theory Admiral is released which plays famicom games. Nintendo does not seem to care.

Nintendo counters with GBA SP and all the other systems fail.

2004

N-Gage QD is released and still sucks, just not as badly, not nearly as bad as the Gizmondo which would have almost been ok if it was a cell phone and is released next year.

Leisure Suit Larry: Pocket Party is cancled. This is possibly the final nail in the failing N-Gage's coffin. The world breathes a sigh of relief as a game called "Pocket Party" will not be played in public.

Wonderswan stops getting games. Still none in English.

Nintendo releases the Nintendo DS, and Pokemon Mini. This duel strike knocks all other mo-fos out.

2005

Sony releases PSP and handhelds are finally legitimized.

Gizmondo is released, Sticky Balls makes gamers snicker, Colors is canceled and Erickson crashes his Enzo. The End!

EZ Mini is released.

Also released is the GP2X which makes the GP32 nerds screamgasm with delight.

Nintendo can't stop itself and releases a lite version of the GBA SP, and Gameboy micro.

2006

The Nintendo DS Lite ups the sex appeal of Nintendo. Handheld games have officially exploded. Girls, casual gamers, your parents, and jocks officially play video games and carry them around in their pockets.

OneStation brings probably illegal games to savy importers at low prices.

2007

PlayStation Portable Slim & Lite. The battle rages on.

Pictures of all the systems

All the systems on the shelf. Makes for a display of high nerdery. A friend said I should take a picture of the entire collection. This is it.

Key

1. Atari Lynx

2. PSP Lite

3. Lexibook

4. N-Gage

5. PSP

6. Game.com

7. AGP2

8. GP2X

9. Nintendo Gameboy

10. Gameboy Pocket

11. Nintendo DS

12. Pixter

13. Game.com Pocket

14. Sega Game Gear

15. Go Live View Mystikats

16. X Changer

17. Sega Nomad

18. Play Station Portable MP4 Digital Player

19. Gizmondo

20. Game Wizard Star Wars

21. Gameboy Micro

22. Pokemon Mini

23. Wonder Swan Crystal

24. Tapwave Zodiac 2

25. Gameboy Color

26. Watara Super Vision

27. NeoGeo Pocket Color

28. Game Theory Admiral

29. GBA

30. GBA SP

31. Handy Famieight

32. Classic Basketball

33. Turbo Express

34. One Station

35. Nintendo DS Lite

Gizmondo: The little handheld that couldn't

I had planned on my second entry to be about the Handy Fami 8, a wondrous device that plays original Nintendo games, however, I recently received a Gizmondo from the Ebay and spent the time I had set aside to write about Handy Fami 8 mucking about with the Gizmondo. By mucking about I mean trying to install a software update that would allow it to run unsigned apps. Why is homebrew so difficult to get installed? I think that homebrew software is poorly documented in addition to being from questionable sources. Please homebrew people document your software and make it easy to install. Cause even barring the possibility that I am a moron, I am inherently lazy.

The story of Gizmondo is frankly more interesting then the device itself. I recommend searching for "The story of Gizmondo" on YouTube. It's like Romeo and Juliet but with nerds and cars and no love story to speak of. So really nothing like Romeo and Juliet at all. Cliffnotes version goes like this, Gizmondo starts up and pays it's CEOs stupid amounts of money for coming up with business plans that include selling a device with "Smart Ads", a feature that drops the price of Gizmondo with this 'feature' but force owners to watch ads several times a day. Huge press events are held complete with champaign and booth babes, these events equate to bonfires of cash and help shake investor confidence. Next, Stefan Eriksson, a CEO, drives his Ferrari Enzo down California's Pacific Coast Highway drunk at 200 MPH and blames a mysterious German for the wreck and then claims to work for homeland security. Things go downhill from there. It is at once awful and hilarious. One of the most endearing thing about some of the more obscure handhelds is their rather spectacular levels of failure. Although the system itself is merely mediocre the company that made it more than made up for the Gizmondo units's relatively modest amount of suck.

The device itself is roughly the size of a closed original DS and has about half the screen space of either the PSP or Nintendo DS and probably better screen resolution aside does not seem to be as graphically robust as either. This could be due to the fact that very few games were released for Gizmondo and developers never really figured out how to best program for the device, or could be simply that it is in fact an inferior product. I tend towards the latter explanation since the device does a bit of everything and none of it very well.

So what all does Gizmondo do?

1. It plays games (discussed later).
2. It plays Music and Video reasonably well.
3. It has some PDA functionality but no touch screen that PDAs really need.
4. It has GPS which seems to require a service plan.
5. It can send text messages and surf the web, with a cell provider.
6. It’s a camera of cheap cellphone quality.
7. It fits ergonomically into your hands.

This last point is rather interesting since the trend for portable electronics has recently been to mimic an Apple product as much as possible. Gizmondo is curvy with a row of softly shaped unresponsive buttons along the top edge and a pair of antenna like trigger buttons that give the console “Shrek head” like appearance. I did not come to this last observation on my own as a quick google search for “Gizmondo Shrek head” will attest. The buttons also have a unique labeling system foregoing traditional letters or shapes and replacing them with Stop, Go, Fast Forward and, Rewind buttons. This might be an early sign that this is not really a gaming device but a kin of the PMP type devices that seem to be constantly developed in China or Taiwan.

Really though what matters most in a game machine is the quality of the games. There are around a dozen games for the system. Most of them are pretty much trash but P.O.D. is decent. I do need to mention that the system takes several seconds to boot up then most of the games I tried take several seconds to load. P.O.D. is an exception probably because it has very simple graphics and game play. The same techno tune chirps thru the built in speakers the entire game. The game itself takes place on a grid and is not entirely dissimilar from Centipede. This old schoolesque game does not suffer from poor framerate or low poly 3d which saves it from the problems that other Giz games face.

Overall I could recommend this system to nobody except the collector. Maybe if It had been made with a bit more focus on games and less ill conceived bells and whistles it would still be in the fray with Sony and the Big N. Sara is insisting that I come to bed. I spent much of the day recovering from a bike wreck that I had last night. My handle bar hit a fence and I fell so that the tip of the bar hit my ribs with the full force of my body. I would feel bad about it but then I think of Eriksson who wrecked his Ferrari Enzo then his entire company. I suppose I should thank him both for the perspective and for one more system in my collection.