Turbo Express Pure Sentimentality

As far as unboxing videos go this video has the highest production values ever. It is also perhaps the most sentimental gaming video ever, rivaling a wincing viewing of "The Wizard" one might have today. It also lets the viewer see the Turbo Express at a level of detail hardly ever achieved. This video was created by Aaron Nanto for, I believe, the folks at PC Engine FX who have a very slick site about all things Turbo Grafx 16.

Oh sweet NEC TurboExpress, how I cry for you.

Back in the day I loved my TurboGrafx-16. I picked it up during high school and had several really awesome games such as Bonk’s Adventure, Bomberman 93’, R-type, Military Madness, and the oh so gruesome Splatterhouse. God those are some awesome games. The first, and one of few, games to bring me to tears was the TurboGrafx-16 Super CD-ROM version of the game Exile. The game is set during the Crusades and is about an assassin named Sadler who is hired by the Knight’s Templar to search for an object called the Holimax. This object will save the world and bring all people under one god. There are Masonic rituals and the killing of Buddhist and Hindu deities which culminates a battle with Hiram Abiff, a figure that according to Freemasonry is chief architect of King Solomon's Temple. At some point in the game Rumi, who is one of Sadler’s side kicks and love interests, dies. At the very end of the game the speech that Rumi gave on her ‘death bed’ is delivered again, this time using the technological power of CD audio. My eyes welled up with tears. Even watching the closing moments of the game (below courtesy of a user from Youtube) today I get slightly choked up.

Shut up! I know the end is hokie! This was AUDIO though. The amazing power of spoken AUDIO was unheard in games at this time.

Nostalgia can really color one’s love for a console and such is the case with the TurboGrafx-16. The very best the system had to offer were a handful of RPGs for the Super CD-ROM and Bomberman which could be played head to head with 5 players using the TurboTap. This brings me to the big deficits of the TurboExpress. No TurboTap and no CD ROM drive. There is a built in controller on the TurboExpress which feels just like the TurboPad. The controller has a fairly standard + pad as well as four buttons labeled Select, Run, I and II. These last two buttons have turbo switches (probably officially known as TurboSwitches). There is however no place for a second controller or TurboTap. This means that even though the system supports TV out you can only play the potentially really fun MP games, like Dungeon Explorer or Bomberman, with only one player. Unfortunately Dungeon Explorer is the ass solo.

The Super CD-ROM was sold both as one unit and as an add-on for the basic TurboGrafx-16. The add-on, however, was not compatible with the TurboExpress. The one add-on that was available for the TurboExpress was the TurboVision. TurboVision was a Tee-Vee tuner attachment for the TurboExpress which gets both VHF 2-14 and UHF 14-69. You might remember the UHF tuning band from such movies as the Weird Al classic “UHF” which features such classic lines as “You took the box? Let's see what's in the box! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! STUPID! You're so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID!” and “You're a lucky, lucky, lucky little boy. 'Cause you know why? You get to drink from... the FIRE HOOOOOSE!”

TurboExpress is pretty bulky, about the size of a VHS tape, and has some nice weight to it. The screen is nicely sized at 2.6 inches, is a bit pixely, and experiences slight temporary burn in if anything stays on screen for more then a second. In general games are clear and playable. I played a bit of Bomberman which is excellent but as I mentioned limited to single player. It has aged fairly well though is not as good as Bomberman 93’ for TurboGrafx and rather pales in comparison to the SNES Super Bomberman series. This brings up another issue with the system: the library of games is a bit weak. For instance, Bonk on TurboGrafx is not as good as Super Bonk on SNES. Military Madness is awful compared to any Advance War game on the GBA or Nintendo DS. Legendary Axe is a weak Golden Axe and Ninja Spirit is not quite as good as Ninja Gaiden and so on. Truth be told, most of the games for TurboGrafx are downright bad compared with games available on other consoles. I really want to be excited about the TurboExpress but it hasn’t aged that well compared with some other systems.

An open letter to Pocket Gamer.

This week is an open letter to Pocket Gamer magazine followed by a brief historical timeline of Handheld Gaming.

Dear Pocket Gamer,

I picked up a copy of your magazine and very much enjoyed it however, as I reached the end of the magazine I noticed that something was missing. Though your magazine is called Pocket Gamer your coverage does not even make a nod to Classic Handheld Gaming. I checked out your website and found that indeed there are no articles about the subject. This I feel does a grave disservice to your readers. Handheld gaming has been around for almost 30 years and deserves recognition of it’s rich history.

I could forgive you for ignoring the Microvision and most handheld gaming from the 80s however one cannot ignore the importance and relevancy of the original Gameboy. The Gameboy created handheld gaming and by publishing Tetris helped define much of handheld gaming’s landscape even today. Without Tetris’ massive success it is quite easy to conjecture a world where Nintendo failed and went the way of Atari. Without Gameboy the puzzle genre might be a very different place. Without other companies trying to force Nintendo off it’s pedestal, Nintendo might have never innovated. Without Nintendo there would be no PSP.

Classic portables effect on what is happening now aside, classic portable gaming is fascinating. Whether it involves the hack work of Ben Heck or the many retrofits of the original Gameboy there is a rich interest in classic handheld gaming both as an aesthetic and as an experience. From the cultural impact of Pokemon to the tragic tale of Stefan Eriksson there are so many interesting stories about old school games.

Beyond historical consideration old school portable games are fun. I fondly remember playing Tetris on a borrowed Gameboy and years later being wowed playing Zelda on the Gameboy Color. Fighting games on the Neo-Geo Pocket Color are amazing for their perfect simplicity. Any game ever released on the Watura Supervision is befuddlingly bad. Old school game systems are funny and quirky and unique.

Please Pocket Gamer, consider giving some coverage to the game systems of yesteryear.

Best Wishes,
Sean Fear

1979

Milton Bradley releases the first cartridge-based handheld video game system MicroVision. Nothing much happens in portable gaming for the next 10 years.

1989

Nintendo releases the Game Boy system. It's boxy has a lousy screen and is ugly as hell but everyone loves it.

Tetris is arguably the most important handheld game ever. It is released for the Gameboy which sells like crazy.

Atari Lynx is the first color handheld video game system but it does not have Tetris and eats batteries. System will hang around for years wishing it found Tetris first.

1990

Sega releases the Game Gear in Japan.

Turbo Express is released which plays TG 16 carts.

1991

Europe and US get Game Gear.

Japan gets Parodius on the Gameboy, while US gets boring old R-Type.

1992

Watura Supervision is released along with games like Recycle Design and, Untouchable which perfectly describe the game system.

25 million Gameboys have been sold.

1993

Mega Duck & Cougar Boy game systems are released in Europe. US suffers from never receiving these systems.

Zelda first appears on a handheld.

1994

94 is a slow year in handheld gaming due to "Grunge". Only game released is "Stop That Roach!" on the Gameboy.

1995

Nintendo releases Virtual Boy. It's totally 3D! Gamers develop a collective migraine.

Game Axe is released which is a pirate handheld Famicom player. Thanks to NES on a chip technology spawns many imitators.

Sega Nomad released. Genesis heads now have excuse to lug their Genesis cartridge collection around with them. System only fits in duffle bags.

1996

Neo Geo Pocket is released in awesome black and white!

1997

Tiger Electronics releases game.com. Someone better have gotten fired!

Sega stops supporting Game Gear format.

1998

Nintendo releases Game Boy Color.

Sony PocketStation is a mem card and a portable game!

Pokemon invade the Gameboy and millions of parents have no idea what the hell their children are talking about.

Games are still being released for the Lynx. Lynx users are like "In your face Nintendo!"

1999

SNK totally copies Nintendo and releases Neo-Geo Pocket Color. Metal slug now fits in your pocket as well as some awesome fighting games.

2000

Wonderswan is released. A couple nerds want it to come out in the US but nobody cares about their needs.

Majesco re-releases the Game Gear. It is called Game Gear Core System.

Neo Geo Pocket releases another Metal slug game then gives up when GBA appears on the horizon.

2001

Nintendo releases the Game Boy Advance handheld system.

Advance Wars, Castlevania: Circle of the Moon, F-Zero, and others are released for GBA. GBA is looking good.

GP32 is released, only a few nerds care. Homebrewers rock.

2002

Wonderswan Crystal is even more beautiful than it’s predecessor. It has a great library of RPGs but all are in japanesse.

GBA gets Zelda and Metroid, bathes in the blood of defeated game systems.

2003

Nokia releases the N-Gage It’s a phone and a game system. Casual gamers don't care. Hardcore gamers care even less.

Puzzle Bobble VS is releases for N-Gage. This game should be impossible to do a bad version of but somehow manages to get an average score of 22%.

Tapwave releases the Zodiac, it's a PDA made for games.

Timetap releases Gameking, China throws a party.

Game Theory Admiral is released which plays famicom games. Nintendo does not seem to care.

Nintendo counters with GBA SP and all the other systems fail.

2004

N-Gage QD is released and still sucks, just not as badly, not nearly as bad as the Gizmondo which would have almost been ok if it was a cell phone and is released next year.

Leisure Suit Larry: Pocket Party is cancled. This is possibly the final nail in the failing N-Gage's coffin. The world breathes a sigh of relief as a game called "Pocket Party" will not be played in public.

Wonderswan stops getting games. Still none in English.

Nintendo releases the Nintendo DS, and Pokemon Mini. This duel strike knocks all other mo-fos out.

2005

Sony releases PSP and handhelds are finally legitimized.

Gizmondo is released, Sticky Balls makes gamers snicker, Colors is canceled and Erickson crashes his Enzo. The End!

EZ Mini is released.

Also released is the GP2X which makes the GP32 nerds screamgasm with delight.

Nintendo can't stop itself and releases a lite version of the GBA SP, and Gameboy micro.

2006

The Nintendo DS Lite ups the sex appeal of Nintendo. Handheld games have officially exploded. Girls, casual gamers, your parents, and jocks officially play video games and carry them around in their pockets.

OneStation brings probably illegal games to savy importers at low prices.

2007

PlayStation Portable Slim & Lite. The battle rages on.